Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Zombie Woof (part 1)

The return of a holiday classic.

"The greatest Zappadan story ever told. Perhaps the only Zappadan
story every told..." - A.O. Scott, New York Times, December 2008


Part 1        Part 2        Part 3       Part 4

Welcome back to Hardball, I'm Chris Matthews. A lot of you are probably wondering what the heck is going on, since we never - and I mean never - open this show with a musical interlude. Well, let me begin by saying that here at Hardball, we are all pretty psyched about celebrating the Festival of Zappadan. We've got a couple special guests along with our usual panel of experts, and first up to join us is renowned author Anne Rice, who is here to talk to us about her new book. A very merry Zappadan, Anne, it's great to see you.
Merry Zappadan to you too, Chris. And let me say that it's good to hear you use the traditional holiday greeting instead of saying something generic like Happy Holidays.
Here at Hardball we try and remember the reason for the season, Anne. Frank Zappa came into this world of sin and gave us the very best licks he could play.
And so many wonderful songs, Chris, as well as his insights into loyal plastic robots...
...in a world that doesn't care. Right you are, Anne. Listen, I know this is a little unusual for Hardball, but I was wondering if you would like to sing a Zappadan carol with me.
Oh my... I'm no Roy Estrada, Chris, but I'm willing to give it my best. Let's do it.
It's the middle of the night,
and your mommy and your daddy are sleeping

It's the middle of the night,
and your mommy and your daddy are sleeping
Sleeping, mom and dad are sleeping
Sleeping in a jar
Ha, huh! The jar is right there under your bed, Anne. So, I understand that you have a new book coming out that's a bit of a twist for you. Is that correct?
That's right, Chris. As you know, I used to have two main topics I wrote about - vampires and erotica. Then I rediscovered my religion, and have been writing about nothing but Jesus Christ and Spirituality, so my new book is really quite a change, and yet, in a way it isn't, you know what I mean?
Well, I do know the title is 'Zombie Woof' and I also know that the book addresses the Festival of Zappadan. I'm assuming that my viewers understand the meaning of Zappadan, but just in case, why don't you summarize it us for us.
Sure, Chris. It's quite a simple story. The celebration of Frank Zappa is based on the knowledge that although he died on December 4th, he was born on December 21st. So you can view Zappadan as both a celebration of the man, and as a way to keep evil spirits away during those eighteen long days where there is no Zappa.
Those are certainly eighteen frightening days, Anne, that's for sure. Right now, let's bring in our panelists, Margaret Carlson and Pat Buchanan. I know about Margaret, but how about you, Pat? The Buchanan family celebrates Zappadan, don't they?
Of course we do, Chris, don't be ridiculous. Just because I'm a conservative doesn't mean that I'm some sort of heathen. I may have disagreed with a lot of Frank Zappa's politics, but I certainly do credit him with hating hippies way back before it was the 'in' thing to do. I used to try to get Richard Nixon to listen to him, but you know, that man really had a serious stick up his ass.
He sure did, Pat, even more so than the current dullard-in-chief. You know, I just love the Zappadan season, but I've got to tell you this funny store about my son Tucker...
I think you've had one too many eggnogs, Margaret. Tucker Carlson is not your son.
Well, who's son do you think he is, Mr Know-it-all? And nobody drinks eggnog for Zappadan. So, as I was saying, my son Tucker has gotten Zappadan confused with Hanukah, and now he thinks that I'm supposed to give him presents for eighteen days in a row. I mean, the situation is ridiculous, particularly given the current economy.
Jesus, Margaret, why don't you just download him one song a day from iTunes or something? You could make one of Frank's albums last for the whole Festival of Zappadan and only be out a few bucks.
I'm with Pat on that one, Margaret. And just what the hell is Tucker Carlson doing asking you for Zappadan presents? That's insane.
It is not insane for my son to be living in my basement, Chris. Now, if you'll giver me a chance, I want to ask your guest a question. Ms. Rice, with all the hundreds of books on Zappadan currently in the marketplace, what, if anything, do you have to add to this wondrous story?
I am so glad that someone finally asked, Margaret. I have done a lot of research, and I believe that a very plausible case can be made that when Frank Zappa died on December 4th, he immediately rose again as one of the living dead. For those long eighteen days, Frank Zappa walked the earth as a zombie.
What! Chris, I have never before given a guest here on Hardball a thrashing, but I'm about to make an exception. Lady, you've gone too far!

to be continued...

10 comments:

  1. This is a great sequence... cheers for that MSNBC team and I hope their Zappadan is Frankish.

    http://underthelobsterscope.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. i know it's not "en vogue" to be politically correct these days, but chris really shouldn't be using the term "merry Zappadan." sure, "in Frank we trust" might work for you and me, but what about prog-rockers who choose to worship differently than ourselves? jeff lynne might start his own bullshit religion... we wouldn't want to be forced to recognize that sort of flatulence. and what the fuck is the traditional drink of Zappadan?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. White port and lemon Juice, Puddy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. White Port and lemon juice??
    Shit, I don't have any white port! And I'm not driving down this steep-ass mountain in -2 degree weather to get any either.
    I do have some Smoking Loon, and I'll make it work.

    Cheers.

    PS: Fucking Pat Buchanan.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  7. [u][b]Xrumer[/b][/u]

    [b]Xrumer SEO Professionals

    As Xrumer experts, we secure been using [url=http://www.xrumer-seo.com]Xrumer[/url] fitted a wish leisure things being what they are and know how to harness the colossal power of Xrumer and adapt it into a Cash machine.

    We also yield the cheapest prices on the market. Assorted competitors devise order 2x or square 3x and a end of the term 5x what we pervade you. But we have faith in providing enormous help at a small affordable rate. The entire something of purchasing Xrumer blasts is because it is a cheaper substitute to buying Xrumer. So we train to stifle that bit in cognizant and outfit you with the cheapest standing possible.

    Not just do we have the best prices but our turnaround heyday for the treatment of your Xrumer posting is wonderful fast. We will have your posting done to come you certain it.

    We also provide you with a full log of loaded posts on different forums. So that you can get the idea for yourself the power of Xrumer and how we hold harnessed it to help your site.[/b]


    [b]Search Engine Optimization

    Using Xrumer you can wish to realize thousands upon thousands of backlinks for your site. Tons of the forums that your Place you settle upon be posted on oblige acute PageRank. Having your association on these sites can truly help strengthen up some crown dignity recoil from links and uncommonly boost your Alexa Rating and Google PageRank rating utterly the roof.

    This is making your position more and more popular. And with this increase in celebrity as familiarly as PageRank you can think to lead your site really filthy gamy in those Search Mechanism Results.
    Traffic

    The amount of traffic that can be obtained by harnessing the power of Xrumer is enormous. You are publishing your locality to tens of thousands of forums. With our higher packages you may still be publishing your locale to HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of forums. Imagine 1 brief on a popular forum will usually enter 1000 or so views, with announce ' 100 of those people visiting your site. At once imagine tens of thousands of posts on in demand forums all getting 1000 views each. Your freight longing associate sometimes non-standard due to the roof.

    These are all targeted visitors that are interested or bizarre in the matter of your site. Envision how innumerable sales or leads you can fulfil with this great number of targeted visitors. You are truly stumbling upon a goldmine ready to be picked and profited from.

    Retain, Above is Money.
    [/b]

    GET YOUR TWOPENNY BLAST TODAY:


    http://www.xrumer-seo.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Infatuation casinos? scrutinization this advanced [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]casino[/url] circumvent and tergiversate online casino games like slots, blackjack, roulette, baccarat and more at www.realcazinoz.com .
    you can also dally our up to trimmings [url=http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com]casino[/url] orientate at http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com and augment the influence chief bucks !
    another late-model [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]casino spiele[/url] conspiracy is www.ttittancasino.com , in the seminar of german gamblers, profit notice online casino bonus.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Someone deleted a variety of links from solidfiles and vip-file ...

    From now, we will use www.tinyurlalternative.com as our main [url=http://www.tinyurlalternative.com]url shortener[/url], so every link will be there and visible for everyone.

    You can pick out from several great [url=http://kfc.ms]short url[/url] address like:

    kfc.ms easysharelink.info jumpme.info megauploadlink.info megavideolink.info mygamelink.info myrapidsharelink.info mytorrentlink.info myurlshortener.com mywarezlink.info urlredirect.info urlshrinker.info weblinkshortener.com youtubelink.info and many others.

    They include over 60 other available domains and the [url=http://myurlshortener.com]url shortener[/url] service work properly for free without any registration needed.

    So we think it is good notion and suggest you to use [url=http://urlredirect.info]url redirect[/url] service too!

    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete