Friday, December 4, 2009

McCain claims new personal best

Hothead Senator John 'Mad Dog' McCain appeared on the Don Imus today, claiming to having reached a new high in volcanic anger, a claim that left even his closest friends shaking their heads in disbelief.Talking about the nation's recovering economy, which he nearly had the opportunity to totally destroy, the volcanic lawmaker said "There's not a lot of happy people out there, so you see tea parties, and you see people who are madder than they've ever been in their life. And frankly, I'm madder than I've ever been."

"Oh really," asked Imus. "How about your fight a couple of years ago with Senator Cornyn? Or the time you called Chuck Grassley a fucking jerk? You were pretty angry then, by my calculations. How about the time when you repeatedly called Pete Domenici an asshole? Hey, Senator, remember the time you got in a fight with 97 year old Strom Thurmond?"

"Those were all justifiable incidents," McCain shouted before decking Imus and storming out of the studio.

"Oh, John's just trying to relive his glory days," says personal friend Lindsey Graham. "I guess he's a little upset about the economy, but I think mainly he just wishes he was the president. Remember the stories about how mad he would get when he was running for the top job the first time? That was a fiery man. One time his wife was teasing him about his thinning hair, and he told her 'At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollup, you cunt'. Yeah, he really used to get mad in the old days."

"He can't be any madder than he was back in the 2000 primary, when we planted the story about him having an illegitimate black daughter," chuckled former President George Bush, who has seen the legendary McCain temper up close. "Now that was one angry man. At that point, I knew I had to beat him, cause if John had been elected, he would had me executed."

"I remember the sixties, when we used to torture him," said North Vietnamese interrogator Win Le Hu. "John McCain used to howl like a banshee, he was so full of anger. If he was truly angrier than that, it must have been a terrible sight to see."


  1. Holy Jesus! The picture alone got me gaffawing! The rest was buttercream icing on the cake.


  2. It really is a shame he couldn't have been the one to win the Nobel Peace Prize.