Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Revelations Abound

President George Bush's eagerly awaited memoir 'Not My Fault' is now slated for a November 9 release, and according to the former president (who was reportedly very helpful in assisting former speech-writer Chris Michel put it together), it will have "a cupla surprises, maybe more".

Bruce Muttonhock, spokesman for Crown Publishing, says that Bush "writes honestly and directly about his flaws and mistakes, as well as his historic achievements. Perhaps the main focuses in the book is his own gullibility. It seems that Bush had an almost endless ability to be fooled, sometimes with tragic consequences, by friends and advisors who may not have had his best interests at heart. The list is a long one; just the pictures of those who deceived him takes up 47 pages."

"Probably the first person to really hoodwink Bush - not counting his preadolescent years - was his own father, who constantly tried to convince him that he would never succeed at anything. Quite frankly this became a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy which had a crippling effect on Bush, and allowed him to be deceived at every crook in the road. Or perhaps I should say by every crook in the road. How long did this condition last? That's hard to say since the man is still alive."

"It's quite true that President Bush had a disastrous presidency," says Muttonhock, "but in his memoirs he goes to great lengths to point out that none of the tragic blunders and oversights were his fault. The attacks of 911, for example, would never have happened if only President Clinton had annihilated al-Qaeda. Even on the day he received the information that an attack was imminent, Bush took time out from his vacation that morning to call Clinton and ask him for details, but Clinton didn't call back till later that afternoon when Bush was already off on his backhoe. It's obvious that Clinton wanted him to fail. At least in this book it is."

"Probably one of the cruelest deceptions was that of Saddam Hussein, who tricked Bush into launching the war in Iraq by repeatedly insisting that he had no weapons of mass destruction. If Hussein had only said he possessed the weapons, the President would have known he was bluffing. But no, the evil dictator insisted on fooling Bush with his denial, and when international inspectors couldn't find the WMDs it became clear, to him at least, that an attack was imminent. Bush never forgave Hussein for the tragic loss of American lives and treasure, and he was, in fact, most pleased to see him executed for his treachery."

"Oh, I could go on and on, it's a fascinating book filled to overflowing with things that were not Bush's fault. This was a man who was even deceived by the weather and his deep abiding trust in the Army Corp of Engineers. And the pattern continued through the final days of his administration, where the financial meltdown shocked him with the realization that Ronald Reagan's economic policies were nothing but a cruel joke and his trust for the good motives of his Wall Street overlords was sadly misplaced. Bush Sr., of course, had told him that Reagan's policies were voodoo economics, so being wise to the old man's unfaithful ways, Bush assumed this was simply another example of his duplicity. Unfortunately this was a rare case of father speaking truth to son, making it the most pitiless type of deceit imaginable."

"I hope that I've whetted your appetite for this Crown Publishing title, available everywhere November 9th," concludes Muttonhock. "Of course it won't be available everywhere... I told President Bush that, and he expects to see it at Crawford Hardware. He is a gullible man. Perhaps I shouldn't divulge this, but I got Bush to sign with Crown Publishing by saying we could help him sell more books than Sarah Palin. You just don't find an easy mark like him every day."