Taliban shakeup

After consistently denying that fearsome leader Baitullah Mehsud was really dead by drone, the Taliban National Committee of Pakistan has moved forward with the a statement saying that it will now have two Grand Poobahs, Hakimullah Mehsud and Waliur Rehman. The announcement came as somewhat of a surprise as Rehman was rumored to have killed Mehsud in a gunfight three weeks ago. "They had a little spat, that's all," said TNC Chairman Michaeluh Steeludi. "That sort of thing happens all the time in every political party, but the Democratic government of Pakistan tried to create a controversy where one didn't exist. That's easy for them to do because they control nearly all of the mainstream media - If you really want to hear the truth, you need to listen to Radio Taliban. At any rate, as a party we're stronger than ever, we still want to attack the West, and Barack Obama is our foremost enemy." Western analysts, such as Water Hutchins of the Brooker Consortium, see the move as a promising development. "I think anytime you have a madman replaced by an mere extremist, it's a positive sign," says Hutchins. "And I think it's important to note that the TNC leadership didn't have anyone at the top levels who was radical enough to fit the bill. That's why they had to go with the two extremists option, with Rehman in charge of Warziristan, and Mehsud basically sitting around with his thumb up his ass. And the other good thing, of course, is that they'll probably just end up killing each other."