Rush & Health Care Doing Fine

The nation breathed a sigh of relief today as it learned that it's most beloved broadcaster had emerged largely unscathed from his frightening encounter with chest pain. "Any time you experience something traumatic like this, it's best to turn your body over to the professionals," Limbaugh said upon emerging from Queen's Medical Center in Honolulu. "It occurred to me that, much like the mainstream media, my heart might be attacking me. However, the doctors told me this was impossible, as I have no heart. And then we laughed and laughed." "I'm actually quite glad this frightening imaginary incident happened, since it gave me ample opportunity to check out the American health care system from the inside, and I'm pleased to report that it is perfectly fine just the way it is. I shudder to think of how differently things might have turned out if this incident had happened under Obama-care." The Bloated One was reminded that things would have probably worked out pretty much the same, seeing as how there was nothing wrong with him. "Perhaps, but I would have been surrounded by a horde of poor and disadvantaged people, and that could have had a profoundly negative impact on me psychologically," he replied. "And there is a strong likelihood that the staff would have been so overworked that they would have been unable to fawn over me and cater to my every whim. Not that I received any special treatment, of course. In the free market health care system, they treat everyone that way."