Friday, October 14, 2011

that didn't help

It's a very simple rule of politics that even 'rogue' players like Sarah Palin understand: unless your spouse is Bill Clinton, it's probably best to leave them at home. You know that there's an Ann Romney, but you don't really see her on the trail. Michele Bachmann's husband has come in for his share of controversy, but he rarely wanders in front of a camera. Ron Paul and Herman Cain - hell, I don't even know if they have a significant other.
And then there's Anita Perry, full in public, fiercely defending her husband from the ravages of what has thus far been a fairly low-key political competition. Unlike Bachmann, God doesn't speak to Rick Perry, but he's got the next best thing - a wife with a divine hotline. God "was already speaking to me [in 2010] but Rick didn't want to hear it," she said about her revelation. "He needed to see the burning bush." We can surmise that Governor Perry finally got that opportunity during the ten weeks of over 100 degree weather that plagued his neighborhood.
But it's tough, very tough. Yesterday in North Carolina, a tearful Anita threw caution to the wind, and finally said aloud the words that Rick was too self-effacing to speak himself.
"It’s been a rough month." (You know, Sinatra said it best - That's life, that's what all the people say, riding high in August, shot down Columbus day.) "We have been brutalized and beaten up and chewed up in the press to where I need this today." (It's not clear exactly what she needed, but I like to imagine that the good people of Greenville gave her a nice bottle of J├Ągermeister). "We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party." (Seriously. Think about that. Their own party, during a presidential primary race. I think it's fair to say that both Rick and Anita have developed a keener appreciation of what Jesus must have felt at the Garden of Gethsemane.) "So much of that is, I think they look at him, because of his faith." (Which, I must admit, is quite enormous. Really, it would make you gasp.) "He is the only true conservative" (Was that too bold? Lord please forgive me for my foolish pride) - "well, there are some true conservatives. And they’re there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too." (Of course, those people are totally confused, either that or God has developed a bit of a loose tongue as of late). "But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose." (So back off poseurs, and make way for the anointed one and his main lady).
"Ah, women. Can't live with em, can't live without em," Perry said today, attempting to play down his wife's remarks. "Seriously, Anita sees and hears a lot of things that I don't, so if she says she sees us bein' brutalized, I'll take her word for it, and not make a big point of sayin they've got medications for that sort of thing. It's alright, though, and I'm just goin to continue to plod my way towards victory, unless, of course, God tells Anita that I should do somethin else."


  1. No doubt about it, Mark, you have the gift. Don't ask me what the 'gift' is, but you have it.

  2. "He needed to see the burning bush." - lighter fluid or isopropyl alcohol - dangerous, either way.