Wednesday, February 1, 2012

man in the middle

Mitt Romney was guilty of a small honesty this morning, but really, it's all right, he had just spent the previous week vanquishing the most abhorred and unelectable politician of the modern era, and after a great victory such as that, few are the number who would deny him a tiny misstep or two.
In an interview with Soledad O'Brien on CNN, Romney expressed his apprehension for and solidarity with the formerly vast American middle class, the one group on Earth that he cares very, very much for.
"I'm concerned about the very heart of America, the 90-95 percent of Americans who right now are struggling," explained the warm hearted non-career politician. "That's what I would call the middle class, the 80-90 percent of Americans who would really love to get a new Lexis but realize they may have to choose between that and sending their children to Harvard."
"I don't think that scenario accurately reflects the reality of the majority of the middle class," O'Brien responded.
"Well, you're the news anchor, so you may have facts at your disposal that I don't," Romney replied. "Am I high or low? High? What do you think, 70-80 percent sound more in line? Let's go with that..."
"Governor Romney, please."
"Oh. Okay, I see. I think right now you're just being argumentative, but then you do look middle-class yourself, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. So, you've got the rich, and that's way less than one percent, really, and then you've got the middle class, which some news sources peg at 50 to 60 percent of the American population. Those are the people that I care about, the ones who would love just to have a small condo on Martha's Vineyard but realize they'll have to settle for Cape Cod instead. I want to help improve the lives of those people."
"And what about the other forty some percent?"
"Oh my goodness, Soledad, I'm not concerned about the very poor," Romney said. "I'm sure there are places where people fall between the cracks, and that's a shame, but realistically, they tend to fall between the cracks because they are on crack. I mean, that's the only way I can explain it. At least for the moment we've got Medicaid, food stamps, and the earned income tax credit. I wish I could get that. The earned income tax credit is one sweet loophole."
"It's not a loophole, Governor."
"Well, call it what you want to, Soledad, ha ha ha. Hey, here's something that's going to blow your mind. You know who else I don't care about? The wealthy. They've got some pretty sweet loopholes of their own."
"Many economists believe that those loopholes and the people who exploit them are a real fiscal problem.

"I got 99 problems but the rich ain't one of them," Romney suddenly rapped. And everyone was stunned, for he was surprisingly awesome.

1 comment:

  1. it appears as if you had a far more incredible saturday and sunday as compared to my very own! haya ', we expended this researching with regard to finals. ughhh.