Sunday, February 22, 2009

Chairman of the bored

Bush, alone in his home office, pretends to veto the Stimulus Bill

Entering his second month as ex-president, George W Bush is reportedly having a hard time adjusting to life outside of the spotlight, telling a part-time community reporter for the Dallas Penny Saver that he is 'bored as the livin' daylights'.

At this point in his retirement, he has yet to receive a respectable offer for his memoirs, an appointment to a Presidential Blue Ribbon Panel, or even as much as a subpoena to appear before an International War Crimes Tribunal. Laura is supposedly ensconced in her Dallas office writing her eagerly awaited memoir, and Barney, once Bush's constant companion, has made several friends in his new neighborhood, and seemingly prefers to spend his non-sleeping hours with them.

In an attempt to alleviate the tedium, Bush took a trip this morning to Elliott's Hardware in Dallas, where he inquired about a job as a part-time greeter that had been offered to him by the store back on February 5th, via a letter in the Dallas Morning News. Told that the offer had in actuality been a 'good natured welcome to Dallas', Bush said that he accepted it as such, and asked when he could start.

""We are thrilled Mr. Bush was able to stop and get a few items for his new home," said Elliott's spokeswoman Andrea Bond, noting that the former president had appeared crestfallen by the news, but had gamely hung around the store for over an hour, eventually purchasing a flashlight, batteries, and some WD-40. "But give me a break. Business is tough enough as it is. We certainly don't need to be driving customers away."

Bond went on to say that "if the president wants to come in here and hang out with the other old-timers, there's not a lot we can do about it unless he starts pestering our salespeople."

Iggy, he's kinda bored too

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