Thursday, February 19, 2009

GOP ain't nuthing ta fuck wit

I'm going to "surprise everyone," new Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele told the Washington Times today, his tone not cocky but confident as he described his plan to roll out a GOP strategy that will be "off the hook". Although he did not say 'off the motherfucking hook', it was clearly implied by the fire in his eyes.

We need messengers to really capture that region - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings. We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.” Although he did not use the words "motherfucking one-armed midgets", there is little doubt that they would indeed be welcome in the big tent urban-suburban hip-hop settings that Mr Steele proposes.

'Big tent' is old school, the type of phrase that might be used by an elderly Republican such as John McCain, who wouldn't know a urban-suburban hip-hop setting if it bit him on the ass. Words mean something, after all, and Michael Steele is a man who wants to bust out some new words to yo mama.

Where we have fallen down in delivering a message is in having something to say, particularly to young people and moms of all shapes - soccer moms, hockey moms.

'It's all about the bitches', Steele didn't say, but his strategy is clearly mom-centric, perhaps taking heed of the old adage that if you bring in the hos, the pimps will take care of themselves. Steele is a man who admits to coveting moms of all shapes, particularly, one imagines, those with big butts.

It will be a frightening new world for the GOP's old warriors, but Steele pledges to drag them along kicking and screaming, as long as they focus their kicking and screaming at the true remnants of the past, the liberal left.

It will be avant garde, technically. It will come to table with things that will surprise everyone - off the hook.” Avant-garde, the pushing of the cultural boundaries away from the tired status quo and into a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Just don't call it cutting edge.

I don't do cutting-edge," Steele says, his voice carrying an implied curse. He finishes off another Olde English 40, lights a Philly Blunt, and holds his first hit of the morning much longer than any mere Democrat could ever hope to. When he speaks again it is with the finality of a bus plunge. "That's what 'Democrats' are doing. We're going beyond cutting-edge.”

Wu Tang Clan


  1. Hey, where'd my screed go, Mofo??

    So I'll say it again:

    I wanna see them Rethug Mammy-Tappers wit dey pants down low, yo!