Tuesday, March 24, 2009

after the pay-back

It was tough. I've got to tell you the truth, I was pretty bummed about giving all that money back. I mean, I've only been at AIG a little over a year, so a hundred grand is a hard thing for me to let go of, but between Cuomo and the Feds, I just had to say 'Okay. You win'. But then, I guess you guys were under the same sort of pressure that I was, so you can relate to how I feel.
Wow, Patrick, you got pressured into giving up a hundred grand? Look at you, dude. So, I guess that maybe I should feel three times as bad as you, since I had to give back three hundred grand.
Aw, Jeez, I'm sorry Fenton. I didn't have any idea. Three hundred grand, that is three times as bad. Lunch is on me, pal, you've been screwed. By the way, if you don't mind me asking, how long have you been working at AIG to pull in a bonus that size?
Less than three years, Bateman. You've got to understand, it's not about seniority, it's all about performance, and I guess my performance was three times as non-valuable as yours.
I would imagine so, Fenton. My first full year and I end up losing nearly two hundred million. But I bet a lot of places wouldn't have even given me a bonus, so I'm just proud to have something to give back.
Listen to Mr. Brightside, I'm just proud to have something to give back. Well, I guess that I should feel three times as proud as you, since I lost nearly six hundred million.
Son of a bitch, Fenton, you're a regular captain of industry. You must be bursting with pride. I see a vice presidency in your future.
Forget it, Bateman, I'm just a piker. Krauthammer - and this is just his second year - lost a cool three billion dollars. Tell him how much you had to give back, Krauthammer... Come on, Krauthammer, if you're so shy, just write down the size of your bonus on a card and show it to Bateman.
What's the matter, Bateman? Cat got your tongue? Surprised to see how much a true performer can be force to give back?
This... This seems impossible... Krauthammer, you really got a three and a half billion dollar bonus?
Sorry, guess I added a few extra zeros to it. I never was all that good with numbers. Still, having to pay back a three and a half million bonus is not too shabby for a PR man.
But... our PR is terrible!
Oh yes, Bateman, the very worst. Maybe you're proud of losing a few million dollars, but I like to think that I'm responsible for losing AIG's ability to carry on as a viable financial enterprise.
My guess, Bateman, is that if you only got a bonus of a hundred grand, your head is already on the chopping block. Sorry, buddy, but I'm afraid you're going to have to work just a little bit harder if you want to attract any attention around this company.
Speaking of the chopping blocks, I've got a couple savings cuts of my own that might just get me a little attention.
Forget it, Bateman, nobody at AIG needs advice from a psycho like you. Come on, Krauthammer, I'll buy you a drink.
Sounds good, Fenton, but I'm the guy with the big check, so I'm buying. Honestly, though, sometimes it seems like they'll hire anyone around here

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