Thursday, March 5, 2009

Brits aghast at pedestrian booty

pic from the Moderate Voice
Barack and Michelle Obama are now being referred to as 'The First Cheapskates' after giving Gordon Brown and family gifts that were not nearly as nice as the ones they received.

From the Evening Standard:

"Gordon Brown has been given a collection of 25 classic American films on DVD as his official gift from Barack Obama. The Prime Minister flew home from his successful trip to Washington this morning with the "special collector's box" of films hidden in his luggage. No10 had tried to keep the present a secret, refusing to answer reporters who asked what President Obama had given to mark the reaffirmation of the special relationship."

God, how embarrassing is it to be an American on a dark day like this? My sources tell me that the DVDs weren't even Blue Ray! Don't the Obamas know that you're supposed to give an important visiting head of state like Gordon Brown something invaluable and steeped in heritage, like an ornamental desk pen holder carved from the masthead of the Mayflower?

"Mr Brown's gifts included an ornamental desk pen holder made from the oak timbers of Victorian anti-slaver HMS Gannet, once named HMS President. Mr Obama was so delighted he has already put it in pride of place in the Oval Office on the Resolute Desk."

Or at least he put it there until Brown was safely on the plane back to Merry Olde England. You know how sometimes you receive a really nice gift, maybe a tie clasp encrusted with diamonds and rubies, and it just sits there in your dresser drawer cause you don't even wear a freaking tie? I mean, did Gordon Brown even bother checking to see if Obama had an ornamental desk pen to stick into the wooden paperweight?

Of course, I realize that I'm rationalizing all of this because I can't face up to an America where our president doesn't even understand the rules of reciprocal booty. And it gets worse, because the truth is that Michelle is even more of a tightwad than her husband. From the Times of London:

"Like all good guests, Sarah Brown arrived bearing gifts for the children, Malia and Sasha. And they were really nice presents. A bit of thought had clearly gone into choosing them: Top Shop dresses (with matching necklaces) and a selection of books by British authors. Lovely..."

"In return Mrs Obama gave the Brown children, Fraser and John, two toy models of Marine One, the Presidential helicopter. Fair enough on the helicopter part, always a popular choice with small boys; but Marine One?"

Marine One? Hey, chill out Times, I'm sure that the Obamas could have saved a few bucks by going with the generic toy helicopters instead.

"Not only did she demonstrate that she spent approximately three seconds contemplating the needs of the Brown boys (having an aide pop to the White House gift shop for a piece of merchandising does not imply a great deal of thought), she appeared to show a most uncharacteristic lapse of judgment."

Okay, nix that generic thing. I'm pretty sure that it's legal for the First Family to nick anything they want from the White House Gift Shop. (It surely can't be just a coincidence that they've started selling Marlboros in there).

"It might have been possible to overlook the incident were it not for the official photograph."

Oh lord, that sucking sound you hear is our national honor going down the diplomatic drain.

"The White House released one picture of the two women and it does not appear to have been selected with any kind of special relationship in mind. There is a menacing bunch of pink peonies in the foreground and the angle is most unflattering to Mrs Brown, who has the air of a woman very much in need of a stiff drink."

'A menacing bunch of pink peonies'. That's the final straw.

Dear Brits, please accept my heartfelt apologies on behalf of the American people, and please forgive our niggardly president. He is new to the world of big time diplomacy, and I am sure that next time he will give you and your family something really really nice. We promise there will be no further peonies, at least not pink ones, so please don't be mad at us.

"We get the point, sunshine: we're just one of many allies and you want fancy new friends. Well, the next time you need something doing, something which impinges on your national security, then try calling the French, or the Japanese, or best of all the Germans. The French will be able to offer you first rate support from their catering corps but beyond that you'll be on your own. When it comes to men, munitions and commitment you'll soon find out why it pays to at least treat the Brits with some manners."

You mean you won't go along with us the next time we want to launch some sort of illegal invasion? Jeez, maybe we will call the French or the Germans next time. At least they're not as touchy.

1 comment:

  1. I'm afraid the Obamas may have set U. S.-British relations back to 1812. Well, if war ensues, maybe we'll get a better national anthem out of it.