Mark Sanford, mealy-meal

Insane octogenarian dictator Robert Mugabe is back in the news after issuing a threat to Governor Mark Sanford in which he said he would "make a mealy-meal from the marrow of your bones which I shall feed to the money-spinning monitor lizards who rule the proud streets of my kingdom." Mugabe, who is still nominally president-for-life of Zimbabwe, was upset by remarks Sanford made "which trash-talked the economic miracle of Zimbabwe, making it an object of fantastic desire for any senator of any third world country such as South Carolina. Beware, colonialist, your tongue may be the key to your undoing. Our monitor lizards do love their mealy-meal, although I regret you shall scarcely make a mouthful." Sanford is very upset over the very real possibility that South Carolina will be forced to accept money as part of the Obama stimulus plan, comparing that event with what he sees as Mugabe's failed plan to create prosperity by turning all of Zimbabwe inorganic materials into currency. The governor was also under fire today from House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn, who said "It's just beyond the pale" for Sanford to compare the President of the United States to the world's most deranged black dictator. Clyburn implied that there was a racial component to Sanford's remarks. "I'm sure he would not say that, but how did he get to Zimbabwe? What took the man to Zimbabwe? Someone should ask him if that's really the best comparison. ... How can he compare this country's situation to Zimbabwe?" Although Sanford personally declined to make any further comments, his spokesman Joel Sawyer quickly issued a reply. "Rep. Clyburn always plays the race card," said Sawyer. "Every damn time. And the fact is, Mark Sanford was simply attempting to compare President Obama to the most insane dictator in the world, and it just so happens that the title belongs to a black man, okay? Sure, he could have gone with Kim Jong il, but Jong has a certain cunning to his sanity, whereas Mugabe is just plain old batshit crazy."