Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Saint Paddy's Day at the White House

New doubts have arisen about the authenticity of President Obama's Irish ancestry after Michelle Obama had the White House decorated in a way that would bring shame to the cheeks of Saint Patrick himself.

Not content to merely dye the White House fountain green, Ms Obama had enormous figures representing the 'Jolly Green Giant' and the 'Inflatable Hulk' placed in front of the nation's house.

"Maybe she can try and blame it on a few toddies, but the truth comes out when the spirit goes in," remarked obnoxious Irishman Bill O'Reilly. "And the truth is, Barack and Michelle Obama don't know the first thing about being Irish. Just because happens to be green, that doesn't make it Irish. Give me a freakin' break."

"Tis a rare day, but I find I must agree with you, O'Reilly," said fellow potato-head Chris Matthews, as the two stood glumly at the gates of the White House, sadly gazing at the befouled grounds. "Good God, man, where is the shamrock? Where is the bloody Leprechaun? Where is the outrage?"

"Don't let your heart be troubled, lad," replied O'Reilly, bitterly biting into his haggis on rye. "Turn me on at eight o'clock, and you'll hear outrage aplenty."

"The truth comes out when the spirit goes in," Matthews mused. "There's really a lot of truth in those words. That said, just watch me at seven o'clock to see what a real Irish drubbing looks like. You think I could have a bite of that sandwich?"

Michelle Obama has refused to apologize for the vulgar display, saying that the Hulk and Giant were the only two inflatable green ornaments she could find in the White House holiday closet, and that she had wanted to put something up for the kids.

"They always had giant inflatable figures in Chicago," Ms Obama said, "so the American people can put up with it until next year when I can buy the kids a flying Nun."

"Granted, a unicorn might have been nice," she explained, "but there's a recession going on, and I felt that I should just make do this year with what the previous occupants had left behind. There was a giant inflatable broccoli that George Bush Senior had purchased for the White House, but I didn't feel like I should use something that was so intimately associated with the Jewish High Holidays."

The President and First Lady plan to spend St. Patrick night trolling the neighborhood for green beer.

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