Tuesday, March 31, 2009


As President Obama heads to Europe for his first G-20 economic summit, the first of the international whiners have already begun their efforts to steal the spotlight that is rightfully his, with French President Sarkozy threatening to throw the event into utter chaos if his ideas are not adapted as the fiscal blueprint for the rest of the non-French world.

"We will walk, oh oui we will," said French Finance Minister Christine Lagarde, whose plan touts stronger global regulation of the market as opposed to stronger national regulation by the individual G-20 members. "Would you like to see some chaos? Then you had better listen to France, or chaos you shall receive. President Sarkozy was very clear on that front - he said if the deliverables are not there, I won't sign the communiqué. Do you think our leader jokes? About signing communiqués? He will walk, walk like an Egyptian, as a matter of fact he has his walking shoes all ready to go, packed right there in his briefcase. Be forewarned."

"Could we even have a summit without the vital input of France?" wondered British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. "We would be missing a certain joie de vivre, I suppose, and there is little doubt that there would be an empty seat at the big table, although I'm sure that if we tried we could find another country to take their place. I understand that Zimbabwe is in town."

"Indeed we are," said insane Zimbabwe dictator Robert Mugabe, holding court in with a crew of money-spinning lizards in the courtyard of a Ramada Inn south of London. "There is much the international community can learn from looking to Zimbabwe, such as the utter folly of allowing witches to hold positions of prominence in your financial institutions. I myself was somehow mysteriously fed broken glass by the Chief Financial Officer of Zimbabwe Petroleum after I upbraided him for the total lack of gasoline in our country. I should have ground him into mealy-meal."

Sarkozy doubled down on his threat after sensing the distaste among the rest of the attendees at the very idea of including Mugabe, saying that now that he had been affronted with the very idea of such a sorry substitute, he was prepared to execute "a very funny walk, like Jerry Lewis or the crazy man from 'Seinfeld', a Moonwalk, or maybe a backwards walk so I can wave bye bye as I leave you sitting abandoned at the table.".

US Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, who will be leaving for the summit later today, indicated that he was not worried about Sarkozy, saying he was sure that everyone would listen to France with the utmost politeness.

"No, I'm sure the French have a very nice plan, they always do. I hope this is okay to say, but yesterday I was with the President when he got a call from former President Bush. And uh, he had it on speakerphone and Bush had some advice about the G-20, and uh, he said that sometimes you might have countries that get a little needy... and uh, then he started rambling on about some rug... but it was welcome advice. Not that I'm implying that France is acting needy, no they're a trusted and valuable ally of the United States and I'm sure they have a very nice plan."

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