Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Steele rouses RNC

Chairman Michael Steele only mildly stunned the Republican National Committee this afternoon when he showed up at a rare special meeting to declare “We are going to take the president head-on. The honeymoon is over. The two-party system is making a comeback, and that comeback starts today.”

"I think not," said one RNC member who asked not to be identified because "I don't want my friends and neighbors to find out that I'm a member of the RNC."

"And starting today? I think Steele better take another look at our agenda, because at 7:30 it's open bar until midnight, and then we've got Liza Minnelli performing in the Jungle Room, followed by David Copperfield. Great magician. He's supposed to make our troubles all disappear. Then tomorrow at 10:30 it's the Bloody Mary Prayer Breakfast, followed by the big vote on renaming the Democrats as the Socialist Party. The RNC Invitational Golf Tournament starts Thursday, and you know, it's all downhill after Monday till the big holiday weekend."

“The president is personally popular. Pity the fool who paid for a poll to figure that out,” Steele continued, pausing when he noticed the blank faces staring at him. “You know, pity the fool... Like Mr. T used to say... Mr. T, the black dude with the chains on the 'A Team'... He had a mohawk... So…what’s the loyal opposition to do with this popular president? We are going to speak truth to power. We are going to speak directly, and we are going to take him on, like Mr T would.... Whatever..."

"Anyway, we are going to take this president on with dignity," Steel said forcefully, pausing briefly to hitch up his pants. "This will be a sharp and marked contrast to the shabby and classless way that the Democrats and the far left..."

"You mean Socialists!" shouted one RNC member, looking up momentarily from his pecan pie. "If you'd turn down that bling blang hip hop music once in a while, maybe you could hear what the rest of us out here are trying to say."

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