Sunday, June 21, 2009

GOP claims foul play with fly

"Yet another Democrat president in trouble because of his fly," lamented Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, grimly assessing the situation on ABC's "This Week with Stephanopoulos".

Graham was addressing a charge made yesterday by RNC Chairman Michael Steele, who claims that President Obama's celebrated insecticide earlier this week had been a fraudulent display designed with the sole intent of convincing the American people that he possessed godlike powers.

"Obviously, a display of agility such as Obama seemed to show is something that is going to astonish people, yes," said the South Carolina Senator. "That's what it was calculated to do. The way Michael explained it - and I won't attempt to replicate his colorful lingo - after Obama's interview on CNBC, one of the staffers retrieved the fly to take home as a souvenir, and when he took it to a taxidermist to have it mounted, they noticed right away that something was seriously wrong with it. I mean, obviously it's little legs were crushed, but they noticed that the fly's eyes were unnaturally red. That's when they called up Mister Steel. He boxed it up and took it to a lab in Bethesda where they discovered that it had an extremely high level of Phenobarbital in it's system. It's clear to me that the President used a highly impaired fly to perpetrate fraud against the American people."

Looking skeptically at Graham, Stephanopoulos hesitated before asking a follow-up question. "Is there... Can you... Why the hell would a taxidermist call the chairman of the Republican National Committee to report a fly with odd colored eyes?"

"I hope you're not trying to impugn the reputation of our chairman, George," Graham shot back. "It wasn't just the eyes, it was also the odor. The taxidermist said that the fly smelled like drugs. Who would you have had him call?"

"I would... That's ridiculous. And... Who in their right mind takes a fly to a taxidermist in the first place, Senator?"

"There you go again, George. You liberals always want to change the subject whenever anyone dares to try and cast a little light on the 'chosen one'. I suspect that the American people might see this matter a little bit differently than you do. I'm not suggesting that this is an impeachable offense, but if we can't trust the President on a matter as small as a fly, why should we trust him on a major issue such as health care?"

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