Friday, July 17, 2009

Affaire de l'air

Lovelorn South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford reacted dismissively towards a new AP investigation which makes the explosive claim that 'he sure does like to fly like a king in those fancy aeroplanes with their free drinks and edible food'. The AP report details a number of trips where Sanford flew Business Class or even First Class, and in one case 'Envoy Class', a section of seating so exclusive that it is located behind locked doors in a secret part of the plane.

"Let's say that Air Force One was in the shop for repairs and the President was forced to fly commercial," explained AP investigator Brett Blackledge. "In all probability, the President would be given a seat in Envoy Class. You know how in the event of an accident, you may use your seat cushion as a flotation device? From what I understand, in Envoy Class everyone has their own individual parachute. And they have their own chef trained by Outback. You can get a Bloomin' Onion any time you want. I'm not sure what kind of seats they have, but I'll bet everyone has their own BarcaLounger or something."

"As far as scandals go, this is a relatively small one," explained Sanford. "Maybe I wasted a little taxpayer money, but I broke no hearts, left no devastation in my wake. You have to understand... the way I feel about luxury flight... it's more than a simple method of going to and fro. It's a love story... an officially forbidden one, a fiscally tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."

"It was wonderful, the Envoy Class," Sanford continued, brushing a tear away from the one eye not yet blinded by love. "I remember... there were these two older pilots, and I remember then watching me go in, the way I interacted with the cabin... They could see a spark, or... I don't know what you'd call it, but there was something there."

No comments:

Post a Comment