Beehive

HEY LADIES!! "I'm Jessica Steele, proprietor of the world famous Beehive Beauty Salon, located in the pink house off the Pallmer-Wasilla highway! And of course you know my friend here. HI SARAH!" Your client, Jessica. Your former client. "She is such a kidder!!! I've been doing her hair like forever, except for sometimes when she was trying to court the mainstream media. It's one of the Beehive's famous beehives, and it looks great!! So thick and full!!!!" I have never tried to court the mainstream media. And it is not a beehive. It's an upsweep. "Whatever. Anyway, I just wanted to say something, and I'm glad you're here with me while I say it, Sarah!" I'm not here with you, Jessica. You photoshopped me in. "Whatever. Like I even know what that means. Anyway, I'm really ticked off at the New York Times. I'm pig bitin' mad! You saw my tweet didn't you, Sarah? I tweeted 'REALLY TORQUED at the NYT!!!', right? You saw it." Over a million people follow me on Twitter. Why would I see your stupid tweet? "She saw it. Anyway, they had like this article a couple of weeks ago, and there I am with things coming out of my mouth that the New York Times just like totally made up! Like they said that I said that Sarah's hair was getting all thin and that I had to give her emergency hair first aid! Like I'm in an ambulance or something... And I do not talk about my friends!" Your client, Jessica. Your former client. And as a matter of fact, every time you've ever done my hair, the only thing we talk about is your clients. "I do not talk about my friends except to other friends, cause, you know, mi amigo es tu amigo, like we're all friends. That's Spanish! Anyway, so I know you saw my next tweet, Sarah. I tweeted 'Media is so desperate to attack Sarah Palin they are saying lies about her hair!' God, you don't lie about somebody's hair, even if it's true, which this was most certainly not, and I should know, cause I'm your hairdresser! Right? And then I tweeted 'I am her HAIRDRESSER!! U will not use me in a LIE media!!!!' Right?" "You know what, Sarah? You don't think that the New York Times would send somebody up here that would pretend to be my friend just so they could get their hair done and talk about my other friends, do you? Cause like there was there this girl that came in a couple weeks ago and she looked all foreign, you could tell she wasn't from around here and so I asked her where she was from and she said some island, like Long Island or something... You don't think she was a spy from the New York Times or something, do you?" Possibly. "That's what I thought! That's what I thought! I thought that and so I tweeted 'If the worst thing they can come up with is a lie about Sarah Palin's hair it's pretty pathetic and bottom feeder journalism!!' God! And I thought, if everybody gets the wrong idea and thinks I'm talking about them, bye bye Beehive! They'll all start driving to Shay Pit up in Palmer! So by then I was super upset, and I was tweeting like a mad woman! I know for sure you read it, Sarah. I tweeted 'U don't mess with a hairdresser and her client! It's a precious relationship! Don't mess with my girl Sarah Palin!' Your client, Jessica. Your former client.