Thursday, July 2, 2009


“After five months of the so-called stimulus, Americans are left with just one question: where are the jobs?” shouted Georgia Congressman Tom Price, a fellow who only rarely raises his voice. "Forgive me for shouting, but I'm just so darn upset that we haven't bounced back from the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression after five long months. President Obama, where are the stinkin' jobs?"

Stung by harsh criticisms such as this, coming at a time when official unemployment hasn't even reached double digits, President Obama today tried to lend a voice of calm to economic fears by giving a widely ignored interview to the Associated Press in which he addressed the issue head on.

"Too many jobs have been lost," he said, noting that at least the financial markets have been stabilized. "Not just stinkin' jobs, but good, high paying jobs as well. But I want to reassure the American people not to worry. The recovery is on the way. As a mater of fact, just this morning I received a phone call from Marcus Brody, curator of the National Museum, who told me that an alert worker had discovered over 200,000 misplaced jobs in one of their New York warehouses. As a result, I'm ordering GSA to begin a methodical search of all the museum warehouses in the nation, beginning with the Smithsonian."

"Michael Jackson was one of our greatest entertainers," Obama continued, trying to ensure at least minimal coverage of his interview. “I still have all his stuff on my iPod.“

Later in the day it was discovered that the crates were not full of misplaced jobs, but instead contained some 200,000 packages of misplaced Jobe's Fertilizer Spikes, a loss which caused the uninsured business to close their doors back in April.

"At the very least, this is good news for Jobe and his 27 employees," said a White House spokesman.

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