Thursday, August 13, 2009

Barton Gellman Comix

Hello, I'm Barton Gellman, special projects reporter for the Washington Post, and author of the Pulitzer Prize winning book 'Angler: The Cheney Vice Presidency'. You know, I have no idea why they always photograph me with the top of my head cropped off. Go ahead and Google me - you'll see that it's true. It's not as though I was bald, like a certain ex-Vice President that I'll refrain from mentioning. I have a fine head of hair. Go ahead, Google my barber Floyd Winston, he's probably got something about it on his Facebook page. Anyway, I hope you read my front page piece of today's Post. It's a fascinating look inside of the mind of a man I like to call...

...former Vice President Dick Cheney.

Hi, it's me again, Barton Gellman, just a different picture, that's all. This is the one they use in the Post. It makes me look a lot younger, but they still cut the top of my head off. And I really do have pretty nice hair, take my word for it. Or check my girlfriend's blog, she's got a picture of me on there somewhere.

Anyway, about my story, in it I reveal that former Vice President Dick Cheney is not really the lovable old coot that he pretended to be in office, but is, in fact, a vindictive, paranoid, black-hearted prick. It's true. And who knew? Well, you would have, for one, if you had read 'Angler: The Cheney Vice Presidency', which is now out of print. But fortunately, the paperback is coming out on August 25th, and is now available for pre-order at Amazon. In it, you'll find a remarkable glimpse inside of the soul of the man I call...

...former Vice President Dick Cheney.

This is my picture from the back jacket of 'Angler: The Cheney Vice Presidency'. You might think that for the cover of a prize winning book, they could at least capture the back of my head, but no. In Penguin's defense, though, there's no way they could have known that I was going to win the Pulitzer when they first published it. Still, there were much better photos from the shoot. Just Google 'Penguin Publishing author photo outtakes' and I'll bet you find them.

Anyway, regarding today's front page feature in the Washington Post, you probably want the 411. Here it is. Dick Cheney is such a self-serving, disloyal, ego-centric bastard that he plans on writing about his personal philosophical disagreements with former president George W Bush. Or at least that's the impression he gives. According to Stephen Hayes, his authorized biographer, former Vice President Dick Cheney said that 'the statute of limitations has expired' on many of his secrets. Here's a dramatization of Cheney on the phone with Hayes accompanied by his real words.

"When the president made decisions that I didn't agree with, I still supported him and didn't go out and undercut him. Now we're talking about after we've left office. I have strong feelings about what happened. And I don't have any reason not to forthrightly express those views."
Wow! Check it out! While you were reading that astounding quote from former Vice President Dick Cheney, I was Googling myself ,and I found a picture without the top of my head cropped off. Okay, I know that it's a little old, but it should give you a pretty good general idea. And at least you've got to admit that I look better than the guy I call...

...former Vice President Dick Cheney, bald-headed son of a bitch.

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