Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Large new fears on health reform

A hefty new wave of fear and protests broke out today in the debate over health care, as rumors spread overnight that proposed legislation would deny treatment to the obese. The reaction was apparently triggered by a remark made by President Obama at a Town Hall meeting where he stated that one of his priorities was "cutting the fat out of health care".

'Hang his skinny ass' read one of the many signs that lined the streets outside of a Town Hall held by Congressman Adam Schiff. 'Obama hates fat people - Hitler did too' ready another, a reference to The F├╝hrer's infamous plan to exterminate the overweight just as soon as he was finished with the Jews.

"Why do they wanna kill my Thelma Jean?" shouted one portly gentleman at a Town Hall meeting held by Republican Chuck Grassley. The Senator looked on in puzzled silence until the man added "Thelma Jean is fatter than a tick on a bloodhound".

"Well, you've just answered your own question," replied Grassley. "You might just as well ask why the Democrat Party wants to pull the plug on grandma. Because she's there, that's why. Just look at those people; Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, all skinny as rails. Of course, I am too, so I guess I don't have anything to worry about right now. But you, sir, might be wise to check out Nutrisystem pronto."

The latest charge of deadly intentions was further fueled this afternoon on Rush Limbaugh's radio show, when the still corpulent host claimed that he was furiously dieting "only because I knew this day was soon to come, and I wanted to be able to stick around long enough to lead the Republican Party back into the wilderness."

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