Monday, August 24, 2009

Seniors Health Care Bill of Rights

In a bold move, the Republican National Committee today announced a sweeping new proposal that guarantees old people rights that they already have. Releasing a document entitled "The Seniors' Health Care Bill of Rights", the 'bill' bulletpoints non-issue items in order to make it seem as though they really were issues. Such as:
  • Protect Medicare and not cut it in the name of health care reform
  • Prohibit efforts to ration health care based on age
  • and of course, Prevent government from interfering with end-of-life care discussions

GOP Chair Michael Steele was all over it, saying "Republicans believe that protecting America’s seniors and veterans should be the first priority of any reform effort. Particularly our senior veterans, which we vow to doubly protect. Now I know there are mudslingers out there who might point out that just a couple of years ago I was saying that we need to cut Medicare. True enough. At least I said it was on the table, but then so is the sugar bowl. The salt and pepper shakers, they're on the table too. So what? Not to put too fine a point on it, but I also said Social Security was on the table. Not directly on the table, cause there's a nice tablecloth on top. Pork chops on the table? You bet. It's only words, people. You've got to remember, back then I used to be in politics. I was pandering. That's something politicians do. The important thing to keep in mind is the fact that I'm no longer in politics and I'm no longer pandering."

"There's going to be other naysayers claiming that all we are guaranteeing are things that seniors already have. Oh yeah? How bout the right to be zestfully clean? Not just clean but zestfully clean. And there's our new effort to prevent government from interfering with end-of-teeth discussions. You go to the dentist, you don't want the government coming in and saying you need to have all your teeth pulled just because it's cheaper than fixing them. Because that's what will happen after they start rationing dental care. But if you do have them all pulled out, the Republican Party wants to make sure you get a nice pair of choppers. You leave it up to Obamacare, they'd just as soon see you gumming your food."

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