Monday, October 19, 2009

Charges imminent

Colorado prosecutors are said to be bringing charges against Richard Heene, alleged father of Balloon Boy, as early as Wednesday. According to reports, there are six separate charges against Heene of conspiring to fool the major network news outlets, and one charge of slander for sticking his son with the moniker 'Balloon Boy'.

"It's the children like Balloon Boy that always suffer from the sins of their fathers," said Fort Collins police sergeant Bill Crockett. "The dad will probably end up making a mint, but there'll be no place that poor kid can ever go without hearing the jeers of peers. You know how mean kids are, always shouting 'Hey Balloon Boy, been in any good boxes lately', or worse yet , 'Float over here Balloon Boy, I've got something you can blow up'. Ah, you gotta feel for the lad. The really sad thing was he used to have a pretty decent name, Falcon. Now he'll just have to struggle through life with the moniker 'Balloon Boy'."

Dick Horner, Defense Counsel for Heene, said that there should be no problem in dismissing the conspiracy counts. "These networks aren't gullible, don't give me that, these networks are erotically attracted to anything shiny, and what could be shinier than a flashy silver space ship with a Balloon Boy inside? They should be paying my client for giving them a chance to get away from health care for a few hours. The slander charge is another matter. I'm going to tell him to plead guilty. You just can't stick a child with a nickname like Balloon Boy and expect to get off scot-free. My client is already tormented by the knowledge that he will be going to hell for this offense, but he would like to avoid any earthly retribution. I don't know... If I was the judge, I'd throw the book at him. Imagine going through life with a name like Balloon Boy. It just breaks your heart."

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