The bravest guy in the House

Anh Quang Cao of Louisiana's 2nd district yesterday cracked the GOP's wall of resistance, becoming the first Republican ever to vote for health care reform (a feat even more impressive than his election as the first Vietnamese American in Congress). Mr. Cao, who goes by the name of Joseph, made the preposterous claim that the needs of his constituents were more important than the needs of the Republican Party, a decision ensuring that he'll be in for a world of shit from his colleagues. "A lot of my constituents are uninsured, a lot of them are poor," Cao said. "It was the right decision for the people of my district." "Maybe if a lot of his constituents were willing to work a little harder, they wouldn't be so poor and uninsured," said Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachman. "Of course, a lot of my constituents are poor and uninsured too, but that's because of the Obama economy. From what I know about Cao's district, a lot of those people were poor and uninsured even back in the days when George Bush was president and the economy was booming." "Aww, cheese and crackers, what does this Vietnamese feller know about poverty," postulated Virginia Congressman Bob Goodlatte. "People in my district have a long, proud heritage of poverty, and you don't hear them whining about it. And most of em are smart enough to know that health insurance is the pathway to the devil's waiting room, where the magazines are five years old. And they're all stuff like the New Yorker, stuff you wouldn't want to read. Not that my constituents can read. But I tell you what, if they happen to blow their foot off with a gun, they're smart enough to hightail it down to the emergency room, where they can take care of you real good." "This Cao character, what can I tell you?" asked Minority Leader John Boehner. "He managed to slip into the Republican Party somehow, but he just doesn't get it. I tell you what; a lot of Americans laid down their lives in Vietnam so he could come over here and live off the fat of the land. It's sad. But I guess he really didn't hurt the GOP that much. We're still the party of no, we're just no longer the party of absolutely not. I guess the real tragedy is how badly he's sullied Eric Cantor's reputation as an effective Minority Whip." "Lord knows I've been sullied," said Cantor. "I hear a lot of the other members snickering behind my back. At least I think I do. I know I hear something. But the day will come when I have my vengeance. Maybe something bad will happen in his district, like a terrible storm hitting New Orleans or something, and when he asks for my help, well, you can guess the rest."