Friday, March 12, 2010

as usual, Boehner ignored

Saying the effort would be worthwhile if it prevented even one future congressional aide from being groped, House Minority leader John Boehner introduced a bill yesterday calling for the investigation of ex-representative Eric Massa to be reopened. Quickly springing into action, the house voted 402-1 to refer the bill to the ethics committee rather than consider it themselves.

"He's a groper," said Boehner, "a serial groper, and it's up to us to make sure that he is humiliated sufficiently to prevent him from ever groping again. It's quite obvious that the Democratic leadership was perfectly happy for this pervert to fondle anything that happened to come his way, even if it was me. Not that I ever came his way, just saying. But if I had, I'm sure he would have groped me, and that's a blight on the House that I, in my capacity as majority-leader-in waiting, simply can't allow."

"Give me a break," said Nancy Pelosi, who scandalously cast one of the 402 votes to hide Boehner's bill under the sofa. "For lack of better words, I'd say that John is groping for a way to deflect attention away from his mismanagement of the Mark Foley scandal. Mark Foley. Oh for goodness sake, you must remember him. No? God, you people have the attention spans of a gnat."

"It's just like Speaker Pelosi to compare the American people to insignificant insects, isn't it," Boehner asked the American people. "This is a bigger issue than the fate of just one tickle-bandit and his victims. This is an issue about whether the Democratic soon-to-be-minority should be held to the same high standards as the GOP."

"Tee hee hee," Pelosi responded discreetly.

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