Thursday, September 9, 2010

Happy 62nd

It's party time in Pyongyang today as mandated by insane dictator Kim Jong-il, and workers were given half a day off in order to orderly celebrate by visiting gigantic statues of Eternal President Kim II-sung. The anniversary of the founding of the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea marked 62 years of deprivation for the starving citizens who made merry by gaily waving the sparklers they had been given this week in lieu of pay. The state bakery displayed an enormous sixteen inch rice cake which the people thronged to see, and surviving members of the state soccer team were beaten in the public square.

The anniversary of the founding is one of three official holidays, along with the birthday celebrations for Kim II-sung and Kim Jong-il. The citizens had been hoping that the dictatorship would have been passed to Jong-il's son Kim Jong-un by now, but the old madman stubbornly continues to hang onto both life and power, claiming the people are only interested in getting another half day off work.

As part of the preparation for the anniversary, the General Federation of Science and Technology held a public display of a new video bowling game based on 'The Big Lebowski' that they had developed in conjunction with Rupert Murdoch's News Corp (which is not technically in violation of American and European sanctions). News Corp gets the benefit of an extremely cheap labor pool while North Korea sees software development as a potentially lucrative revenue source for the cash strapped nation, although neither side has asked the all-important question: who the hell is clamoring for a video bowling game based on the Big Lebowski?

Certainly not the unfortunate citizens of North Korea who have no means of playing video games, and who no doubt hold a quite different concept of what a White Russian is. Most North Koreans who saw the demonstration were singularly uninterested in the game as soon as they learned it was not edible.


  1. If God had your imagination, Mark, the world would make a whole lot more sense.