It's just come to light that notorious former cult leader, criminal mastermind, and part-time male model Charles Manson was caught earlier this year with a cell phone hidden under his mattress. The phone was discovered after a Dominoes delivery boy unexpectedly showed up with three large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas. The 76 year old Manson had an extra thirty days added to his life sentence for the infraction. He will also receive additional counseling, which seems like a waste of a perfectly good counselor.
Prison officials indicated that Manson had made numerous calls and sent text messages from the phone, but would not reveal whether any of them were crime related. Their purpose may be hinted at, however, by a message from Manson obtained by CBS that was recorded by a 'friend'. In the recording the elderly psychopath sings one of his newer compositions.
"I've seen the world spinning in fire," warbles Old Crazy Eyes, sounding a bit like a demented Louis Armstrong. "I've sang and danced in the Devil's choir. And I say to myself, what a wonderful world..."
"It's pretty clear to me that he's interested in restarting his musical career," said singer/songwriter Brian Wilson. "The thing is, he never had any talent and he hasn't improved with age. I guess the Beach Boys are partially to blame for encouraging him... When I was incapacitated and no longer working with them, Manson got to be friends with my brother Dennis, and the guys actually recorded one of his crappy songs... Huh. And they always said that I was the crazy one."
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