Thursday, April 7, 2011

tough negotiator

"I tell you, Boehner, when you said 'nobody puts baby in a corner', I thought I would choke I was laughing so hard."
"I never said that."
"Whatever, Britney. Yeah, good stuff, I'm going to start calling you Britney."
"What I said was that I refused to let the House Republicans be put in a box."
"Oops I did it again..."
"That's not funny, Mister Vice President. Don't you realize that we're getting ready to shut the government down?"
"Hey, come on Boehner, I don't want you to start bawling on me. Of course I know you're ready to shut the government down. It's just that we're ready to let you do it, that's all."
"But we're so close to a deal."
"In your mind, Boehner. Yeah, we're close on the ransom amount, but that never really was a problem. We can always just have the Fed print some more money - isn't that what you always like to say? This was never about the money, it's about you trying to achieve policy objectives via the budget process. Why don't you put your man pants on, like your Tea Goddess advises? A real leader would tell his people, listen, we only have one House of Congress, we don't have the presidency, so there's only so much we can accomplish right now. But next year, we're going to seize the reigns of power and then we can really change things. That's what a real man would do."
"That's exactly what we're going to do next year. But right now, Mister Vice President, you're forcing my hand, and the only thing we can do is shut the whole thing down."
"Go ahead, Boehner, get it out of your system. Because, quite frankly, I'd rather you shut it down now, otherwise you're going to be doing exactly the same thing when it's time to raise the debt limit, and that would be a disaster."
"I never said we were going to do that."
"Bullshit, man. And then after you nickel and dime us there, you're going to do it all over again with the 2012 budget."
"Well, I admit we might do it there..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know you will. And it ain't never gonna pass, so do it, man, do it right now. And you know what? A lot of people are going to be real happy to see the government shut down. Sean Hannity's going to be calling you a great American and Rush will probably give you mega-dittos. There's going to be a lot of celebrating. For a few weeks, anyway, until people start to suffer a little and the economic recovery reverses itself."
"I would hope that we would be able to resolve our differences before there was much real damage."
"What, by us capitulating to the minority party? Cause that's what you are, Boehner, the minority party. And after the American people see the results of your sterling leadership, that's what you're going to remain."
"I think it's always a mistake to assume..."
"Fuck you, Boehner. I ought to kick your ass. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Come on, crybaby, you and me, right now."
"There are serious legal consequences to threatening..."
"Fuck you! The president said he would give me a full pardon. Here, taste fist!"
"Oww! That really hurt! I... I've got to go meet with my caucus."
"Go! Get the hell out of here!"
"You're... You're a tough negotiator, Mister Vice President."
"You're an asshole, Boehner."


  1. Uh, I wish I could see more daylight between Biden and Boehner. Maybe you could hire the dude who worked over those photos of Barack Obama and his grandparents sitting on a park bench.

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  3. Best line of year?

    "That's not funny, Mister Vice President.

    Love ya,


    Best word ver?


    But you never could spell.