White House press secretary Jay Carney today vehemently denied GOP allegations that President Obama is a war-mongering-terrorist-killing-machine, insisting that their recent Jihadi body count was simply 'the luck of the draw'. The accusations garnered new strength after a predator strike on Friday that killed three highly placed members of the Egyptian Islamic Haqqani Network, an event now considered so commonplace that it received less news coverage than Michele Bachmann's claim that Rick Perry stole her jobs plan.
"He's spiking the ball in the end zone at this point," fumed House Majority leader Eric Cantor. "All the best terrorists are dead at this point, so what is the president doing instead of creating jobs? He's killing the son of the 'Blind Sheikh'. That's pretty sorry. It's as though Obama is making a deliberate attempt to take away our 'soft on terror' offense, just so he can be reelected. But the American people know that the only body count that matters is the one on the unemployment line. Not that the Republican Party has any plan for dealing with that, but still."
"The Blind Sheikh's son?" echoed increasingly irrelevant radio demagogue Rush Limbaugh. "Ahmed Abdel Rahman, that's what's passing as a terrorist these days? If his father was blind, is it not reasonable to suppose that he was too, and if so, isn't his targeting in fact an act of cowardice? I mean, how hard is it to target a blind guy. If Obama had any real guts, perhaps he'd target a real threat, like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad."
Carney made a point of noting that Limbaugh's remarks were "full of vim and vinegar, a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." He then thrust a short sword into his fragile breast, and breathed no more. Except to say. "Hey, kiss my ass, Rush. I mean, really. You think we're not all over that? We're all over that. Check this out. Yeah, that's right, it's a picture of President Obama, or as I call him, sir... but it has a Hitler mustache drawn on it... And the thing that's got to draw your attention is the fact that he really doesn't bear even a minimal resemblance to Hitler."
"On the other hand, just take a gander at this Mahmoud Ahmadinejad character. Wow, I sure hope we don't have to go to war with him, thus by creating a scenario wherein we reinvigorate the economy and provide a good reason for not changing horses in the middle of a stream... we understand that lesson all too well, although don't expect me to quote chapter and verse. Did I just say anything? Anyway, just in closing, Ahmadinejad doesn't even need a Hitler mustache - he's got a full Hitler beard..."
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