Thursday, April 16, 2009

GOP slams Obama sanctions

Republicans are expressing outrage against Obama's new sanctions on Mexican drug cartels, claiming that it amounts to a blueprint of his plans for America.

The sanctions would allow the federal government to seize assets of the cartel, including their guns, money, guns, real estate, guns, vehicles, and especially their guns. In addition, it would allow for the prosecution of US citizens who provide the cartel with guns, money laundering services, ammunition, drug transport, or guns. The sanctions come as Obama announced that he will urge the Senate to ratify a treaty curbing the flow of guns and ammunition to drug cartels and 'other armed groups' in the hemisphere.

"What the flying fuck is this Socialist bastard talking about," said Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, "Over my dead body we'll ratify that piece of crap treaty. Yeah, I read you loud and clear, Mein Fuehrer, first we say that La Familia Michoacana can't have any guns and then the next thing you know they'll be coming some housewife in Tulsa because maybe she just happened to sell a few crates of AK-47s to Los Zetas. Oh yeah, it's all part of their grand plan. Like how would I know if I happened to sell grenade launchers to a member of Sinaloa? Don't they look exactly like the rest of the illegals Obama wants to give health insurance to? Nice try, Karl Marx, but you're not going to get rid of the Second Amendment that easily."

"Maybe President Obama didn't get the message that we laid down at yesterday's teabag parties," scoffed RNC chairman Michael Steele. "Last time I checked, the American people were an 'armed group', and if I'm not mistaken, and I'm sure that I'm not, the citizens of this once great nation just happen to live in this hemisphere. See, the Fascist-in-Chief, he likes to throw out these fancy words like 'hemisphere', hoping that nobody understands what he's talking about. But it's not going to work. It's just like Nazi Germany, first they come for La Familia Michoacana, and the next thing you know, it's you and me. Well, you, anyway. I've got a big ass Glock that knows how to say 'back away slowly'. They try and push us too far, we're liable to have ourselves another teabag party."

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