Sunday, April 5, 2009

previous North Korean great leaps forward

In 2005, Kim Jong il announces North Korea's first nuclear test.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has responded to North Korea's first nuclear test, calling it 'provocative, yet strangely hilarious'.

The blast, if it can in all fairness be called that, took place in the Huang Cor province, just outside the home of Jyn and Connie Nashaui.

"It singed one of our Juniper bushes," claimed Jyn, "and really upset our dog. He wouldn't stop barking for two hours. Well... only about fifteen minutes, really, but it seemed like two hours."

"North Korea has defied the will of the international community,'' said President Bush, speaking to himself in Washington, D.C. "The action deserves an immediate response by the U.N. Security Council. I suppose. On the other hand, screw em. We've got bigger fish to fry. Course, we'd hate to try and fry them with one of Jong's A bombs."

Rice later announced that North Korea would be replaced in the axis of evil by Togo.

In 2006, North Korea tests the mighty Taepodong-2

graphic from the Washington Post

Two days after threatening the world with 'nucrear annihiration', North Korea has launched a devastating attack on the Sea of Japan, firing six wee Nodong (no dong) and one Taepodong-2 (type of dong too) missiles into the solvent democratic waters of the Pacific Ocean, coming as close as 312 miles to the Japanese coast.

In a message clearly aimed at Kim Jong il, the Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi issued a statement saying "You stupid son of a bitch. You could have really hurt someone with that thing if you knew what the fuck you were doing."

This was North Korea's first major missile test since 1998. The mighty Taepodong-2, the subject of much consternation as of late, fell apart thirty-five seconds into it's flight. It had been feared that the missile could reach as far as the West Coast of the United States, if only the West Coast was in the Sea of Japan.

The reaction from Washington was immediate. "Holy cow, that was lame," said Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld. "These guys might as well be wearing a kick me sign on their backs."

1 comment:

  1. It just goes to show you, you can't keep a good dong down.

    (And I'm so glad the Japanese have a Prime Minister that can swear like an American sailor.)