Sunday, May 31, 2009

flash in the pan proves to be flash in the pan

In a non-shocking event that all but the most dull-witted saw coming, transient sensation Susan Boyle turned back into a pumpkin after failing to emerge victorious on England's smash hit TV show 'Britain's Got Talent'.

British voters handily awarded the first place prize of $160,000 dollars to Banjo the Wonder Dog, who secured the win after delivering a sterling version of Gwen Stefani's 'Sweet Escape'.

Scottish singer Boyle received worldwide attention largely on the strength of her frumpiness, resulting in the YouTube of her debut performance being viewed 230 million times, but in the end that was not enough to bring her victory. Anecdotal evidence, in fact, suggests that the video was actually watched by only a few hundred thousand equally frumpy women with talent who viewed it incessantly, forcing it upon any acquaintance or family member they were able to corral. .

"At the end of the day, I suppose it did come as quite a shock to some people to hear a voice like that coming out of such a frumpy individual," said host Simon Cowell. "She really did sing like an angel, but lets get real - who wants to hear an angel sing? And to be more specific, who wants to hear an angel caterwaul through that histrionic Les Miserables claptrap? And, I might mention, that was the very same number she did for her first performance. The show is called 'Britain's Got Talent', not 'Britain Sings Karaoke'. You didn't see Banjo the Wonder Dog come back out and try to win a reprise of his highly acclaimed 'Jingle Bells'; no, Banjo took a risk and decided to rock the house with a little Gwen Stefani."

"I spent seventy-five quid on a new frock that I'll never wear again only to be beaten by a bleedin' dog?" said Boyle, obviously somewhat disappointed by the unsurprising turn of events. "Bloody 'ell. Bloody flippin' 'ell."

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