Friday, May 29, 2009

Sotomayor only in it for the money

The GOP has taken up a new line of attack against Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, claiming that she may be interested in serving on the high court only for the potentially lucrative benefits that it has to offer. Sotomayor's latest financial disclosure form, acquired via a FOIA request, reveals that the total amount of her accumulated wealth is somewhere between fifty and a hundred fifteen thousand dollars, all of which is invested in Citibank checking and savings accounts.

Appearing via video on Hannity's America was Senator John McCain, who was somewhat aghast by this latest revelation.

"If this proves to be true, the least we can say is that is shows shockingly poor judgment on Ms Sotomayor's part," claimed McCain, who in that maverick sort of way of his, voted against her back when she was nominated by Papa Bush for the Court of Appeals. "That's not what I'd call the the can-do spirit, the fulfillment of the American dream, to reach the age of 54 and not be able to afford a pot to piss in."

"It should give everybody pause," replied Hannity. "And the liberals, all they want to tell you is how bright she is, how intelligent she is, how she's struggled to become this Christ-like figure, and you're looking at a woman who probably can't even afford to go to Ruth's Chriss Steakhouse."

"At least she probably doesn't have any problem remembering the number of houses she has," quipped McCain. "None."

"She doesn't have a house?"

"That's right, Sean, her financial report shows that all she's got is a condo in Greenwich Village."

"Greenwich Village? Unbelievable. Unbelievable."

"Not only that, Sean, but she..."

"Hold on, Senator, I need to backtrack a minute. Believable. Believable. It's totally believable that she would live in Greenwich Village, down there with all the hippies and drug addicts and radicals. Like the Rastas."

"I think you mean La Raza, Sean. Most of the Rastas live in..."

"I said Rastas, and I meant Rastas, Senator. The Jamaicans with their big marijuana cigarettes and their dreadnoughts."

"I think you mean dreadlocks, Sean. A dreadnought is a type of battleship that..."

"Yeah yeah yeah, Senator, we all know you were in the Navy. I said dreadnought and I meant dreadnought, those big acoustic guitars that Martin introduced back in the 1930s, the kind the Rastas like to play their reggae music on."

"I stand corrected."

"Apology accepted."

"What I was going to say, Sean, was that Sotomayor doesn't even own the condo in Greenwich Village. She's got a $450,000 dollar mortgage, and she..."

"A half a million dollar mortgage? Unbelievable. Unbelievable."

"...and she only makes..."

"What a deadbeat."

"Well, as an Appeals Court judge, she..."

"I mean, believable. I believe that she owes a half million bucks. I have a three million dollar mortgage but then I've also got a nightly TV show and a couple best sellers. I guess Senorita Sotomayor is hoping for a government bailout. Tell me something, Senator, would you say that a Supreme Court justice make an enormous amount of money?"

"Not at all, Sean. They make about $214,000 a year."

"So would you agree with me, then, that a near penniless Supreme Court justice would be particularly open to graft? Might be ready to score a few nice paydays for making the right sort of decision? Would you say that, Senator?"

"I don't know that I would want to go down that particular road, Sean. I think that we need to..."

"But you would agree, I'm sure, with the assertion that if I wanted to bribe a judge to ensure that I got my preferred outcome in a legal matter, bribing a Supreme Court judge would undoubtedly give me the biggest bang for my buck. That's pretty obvious on the face of it, isn't it Senator?"


"Isn't it, Senator? Isn't that the biggest bang for the bucks?"

"Yeah, sure Sean. Whatever."

"There you have it, folks, Senator John McCain agrees with me that Sonia Sotomayor is only in it for the graft money. Gotta go to break, but when we return, Dick Morris will be here to discuss how Obama is using his office to destroy Republican owned Chrysler dealerships."

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