Monday, June 8, 2009

600,000 jobs, comin' right up

Giving full credit for the idea to daughters Sasha and Malia, President Obama today unveiled his plan for creating 600,000 new jobs while simultaneously saving General Motors and offering America a delicious frozen treat.

The government is ordering 200,000 clean-energy electric ice cream trucks, which are already rolling off the assembly line at the retooled truck assembly plant in Flint, Michigan. The now booming plant has rehired most of it's laid off employees and hired eight hundred new workers to assist in the massive production order.

"We expect these jobs at GM to become permanent, as more and more Americans recognize the promise of a career in mobile vending," Obama told a jubilant crowd of congressmen as they sampled the patriotic red, white and blue Uncle Sam Custard Cones. "And the growth doesn't stop here. There are many other delicious items which can be sold from the inside of a truck - pizza, Italian sausages, and chicken cordon bleu are just a few that come to mind. But what we are really selling here is hope, economic security, and mobility."

The new Chevy Cartona Cruiser, with a starting price of around $24,000, will come with a variety of custom options, including full freezer compartments, deep fryers, hot dog rollers, and jumbo rotisseries. Outdoor speakers and GPS will come standard.

As part of his youth outreach, 125,000 teenagers will be hired as vendor trainees, with their experience counting towards college credit as 'Intro to Business'. Another 125,000 adults will be hired as 'truck bosses', and will have the option of contributing a portion of their salary towards a tax-free FOP fund. (Future Option to Purchase). Marketing, legal, mechanical, and administrative hires are expected to bring the total jobs gained to around 600,000.

"But it could be many more jobs than that," Obama stressed. "Honestly, if the American people like ice cream as much as Sasha and Malia do, these things should pay for themselves."

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