Friday, June 5, 2009

Daniel James Murray

The Secret Service is on the lookout for Daniel James Murray, a New York transient who claims to be part of a mission to assassinate President Obama. His current whereabouts are unknown, but he has recently been spotted in, oh let's see, Utah, California, Georgia, Iowa, Oklahoma, maybe Texas, and definitely New York. He may be armed with at least eight registered firearms (and X unregistered weapons), a really fat wallet, and (this is just an educated guess, based on his recent travel agenda) a sizable stash of Meth.

On May 19th, Murray opened a savings account at Zion's First National Bank in St. George, Utah with a $85,000 dollar check, which didn't seem to raise any eyebrows, even though he asked if the bank was solvent and mentioned that "With all this mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I'm sure if citizens happen to lose their money, they will rise up and we could see killing and deaths." Still, I suppose a deposit is a deposit.

On May 27, Murray came back to the same bank to make a withdrawal of $12,698, and the bank was prudent enough to ask him for ID. Murray didn't appreciate this sort of sass and told them "Not to be disrespectful, but if I don't get this money, someone is going to die."

Appalled by the teller's rudeness, the bank manager okayed the transaction, including the demand for bills smaller that $50 in nonsequential order. Murray was so grateful for the excellent customer service that he told them his master plan: "We are on a mission to kill the president of the United States." I assume that he was using the royal 'we'.

He went on to babble "We are 94 million miles from the sun, and are in-between the sun and moon, and the eagle that flies between them, and it's a giant step for mankind. I have traveled thousands of miles to be here and know things that are going to happen. The banking system will fail and people will die. There will be chaos in the world."

Maybe they thought that Murray was quoting a Jimi Hendrix lyric, I dunno, but they didn't file a complaint or notify anyone. So... the next day, May 28, Murray goes back to the bank and takes out $72,000 dollars, apparently without a peep, although the bank must have figured that he was closing out his account and finally decided to notify the Feds (I can't find a date, but I'm guessing this happened no earlier than yesterday morning (6/4)).

The last sighting that I can find (from the New York Daily News) is supposedly later in the day on May 28 when Murray was spotted at another bank, this one in Cedar City, Iowa, where he was wearing a "black T-shirt with the words, 'My way is the highway-God' emblazoned across the chest with a Christian cross sprouting wings". Something is probably wrong with the Daily News report, as this is a distance of over 1400 miles. Even if Murray is flying, he would still have to hub out of Salt Lake City, over two hours away, and I doubt they have a direct flight to Cedar City.

Anyway, Murray is believed to be driving a 2001 Buick LeSabre with NY plates 'ERL 1445', although seeing as how the idiots at Zion's First National waited so long before making a report, he wouldn't have raised any suspicion if he got himself a new set of wheels. Now here's your money quote from a Secret Service spokesman: "This is one of a gazillion cases. It's not that out of the ordinary. We see this day in and day out."

Oh yeah? You remember that Homeland Security report on Right-wing extremism back in April, the one that got all the Right-wing extremists so upset that Napolitano ended up putting it back in the bottom desk drawer? Well, in light of the Tiller assassination, if there are gazillion cases just like Daniel James Murray, I'd say it's about time to dust that document off.


  1. Oh Mark, you're such a paranoid!

  2. What are you scared of change.
    Cant say I approve of Mr Murrays threats. But I understand.Things are bad and I hate to say its just going to get worse. We the people get what we ask for some times.Politians in General suck Butt, both Parties.

  3. It's Cedar City UT (not Iowa), which is 50-miles from St George, a quick hop on I-15! There are date questions, too, like why the US District Court took a week from when Zions Bank notified them to issue an arrest warrant. His use of the royal "we" being on a mission takes on a whole different connotation in UT where we all register at least 8 firearms.