Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Iran goes bonkers: Pro-government rally draws thousand

From the L.A. Times:

The loyalists' gathering was heavily advertised on state-controlled TV and radio, urging Ahmadinejad supporters to show up in force as a display of popular support for the president and against "looters and arsonists."

Those assembled chanted: "Death to America!" "Death to Israel!" "Khamenei is our leader," referring to Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. It was an impressive crowd, numbering in the tens of thousands, but not nearly as dramatic as the massive unauthorized opposition demonstration that took place a day earlier in Azadi Square.

"Hey, Mussar, it looks as though we have gotten quite a good sized turnout for our big pro-government rally. It is such a nice day for it, too. ARREST THE RIOTERS!"

"Oh yes, although any time I get a paid day off from work, I consider it to be a very nice day. DEATH TO ISRAEL!"

"I figure that we can probably shout a few more slogans and then knock off for the rest of the day. No one should notice our absence in a crowd this size. LONG LIVE KHAMENI!"

"ISRAEL SUCKS! Indeed, they should not miss us at all, Sadeq. I saw a report on IRIB-TV that our rally is four times the size of the looters and arsonists rally."

"That hardly comes as a surprise, Mussar, as there is often a heavy price to pay for being a looter or arsonist in modern Tehran. DEATH TO AMERICA! Still, this is undeniably quite a massive rally. I suppose that this must be what it was like to be at Woodstock."

"Really, Sadeq? Woodstock? Sounds like somebody I know has been watching that illegal cable TV feed again. KILL THE JEWS! Not that I am one to criticize. But on another topic, why do you shout 'Death to America'? I thought that Iran was striving towards a new rapprochement with America. And I certainly do not recall that being on the approved slogan list."

"It's not? KHAMENI RULES! My mistake then, although in my defense, I have heard several other citizens shout it. I suppose I should pay more attention to politics, but between my job and my insolent wife Bashia, I sometimes lose track of these things. But on another topic, may I ask why every single slogan that you shout has to do with Israel?"

"I guess I just hate the Jews, that's all. Speaking of slogans, have you noticed that there was not a single one about President Ahmadinejad on the approved slogans list? Do you think that was an oversight? DESTROY THE ZIONISTS!"

"Not at all, Mussar. Any fool knows that the President does not have any real power. AYATOLLAH ALI KHAMENI IS OUR LEADER! As my slogan might indicate, the president of Iran is just a figurehead, much like the Queen of England."

"The Queen of England is just a figurehead? Oh... I did not know that... SMITE THE YAMAKA WEARERS! So tell me, Sadeq, why is it that we even bother to vote for the president?"

"DEATH TO THE INFIDELS! Do not be coy with me, Mussar. I voted for Ahmadinejad for the same reason you did - the three free months of cable TV."


  1. So that was it.

    Good to know.

  2. Um, it wasn't just "three free months of cable," it included HBO and Showtime, too. That's a big incentive, dammit.