The Jong Report

"I was as surprised as anyone," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton revealed today to MSNBC anchor Tamron Hall. "But it appears that North Korea has actually followed through on one of their threats. They've wiped the U.S. off of the map." "Technically speaking, I don't think that this would qualify as sticking to their word," countered Hall. "I mean, they had a conditional in there. They said that they would wipe us off the globe if we started another war. But we haven't started another war... Have we?" "Hey, you're the newslady, Tamron, you tell me." "Ha. No we haven't, Madame Secretary, and so I am going to state unequivocally that Kim Jong-il has not followed through on a threat, but has, instead, done something totally unpredictable." "Let me ask you something, Tamron. Is there anything more predictable than Jong doing something unpredictable?" "Uh... that's true. Jong is a real wild card." "Jong is a real shmuck. And what's more, he did this in his usual totally predictable half-assed manner. Check it out - he forgot to wipe out Alaska." "You're... hee hee hee... You're right." "Beroved Reader forgot to obriterate Araska." "Wah hahaha ha ha ha...." "His merciress eraser seems to have missed Hawaii, too." "Hah hee wah hahahaha..." "Rook! I see a ritter piece of Minnesota!" "Bwahahahahahahaha... Stop it, Madame Secretary, you're killing me!" "I'm kirring you, Tamron Harr? Now? Just you wait untir I raunch my pitiress rong-range Taepodong missirs."