Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Corporate Overlords grateful

Invisible hand of the market props up Blankfein's weary head

"I wasn't worried for a minute," beamed Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd C. Blankfein, pleased for his company to be back on the golden brick road and reporting a 3.44 billion dollar profit in it's second quarter, only one month after paying back 10 billion dollars in Federal aid.

"I knew the American people would never let us down. There is this strong love/hate dynamic they have always had with their Corporate Overlords. They know that sometimes the pendulum swings one way, and sometimes the other, but as long as we own the pendulum, I don't guess it really makes a whole lot of difference, does it?"

"Some folks would say that it's the luck of the draw that Goldman Sachs came out of the financial meltdown smelling like a rose, and to them I would say 'you're absolutely right'. I guess we were just lucky to have placed our previous CEO Hank Paulson in a position where he could have at least a little positive influence on our future as the Bush Treasury Secretary. And boy, were we ever lucky that he was the guy in charge of nationalizing all those bad loans. That was extra special lucky, just like the fact that so many of our good friends like Timmy Geithner and Larry Summers are a part of President Obama's exciting new change administration. But of course you know the old saying - the more things change, the more they remain the same."

"You know, a lot of people said that Goldman Sachs was too big to fail, and they were absolutely correct in their assertion. That's an enviable position to be in, and one we have no intention of giving up, and which, thankfully, nobody is trying to make us do so. That's why I'm willing to say that if this whole economy should go to hell, we'll still be right here, King of the Dung Hill."

"Bottom line, though, is that we owe the American taxpayers a huge debt of gratitude, and we know it. That's why we're putting up a picture of them in our corporate headquarters. In the mens room, right above the urinals."


  1. Goldman Sachs is Erich von Stroheim's revenge for the loss of Greed.

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