Monday, July 13, 2009

Undistracted Senator ready to battle Benjamin

"President Obama has purposely used this occasion, a time when the nation's rapt attention is focused solely on the confirmation hearings for a woman who is possibly the most contentious Justice ever nominated for the Supreme Court, choosing this moment to sneak in what is sure to be a shill for Nationalized Health Care as his choice for Surgeon General," fumed GOP Senator Jeff Sessions.

"I suppose he's thinking that if he tries to sneak in this medinazi Regina Benjamin today, old Jeff Sessions will be far too preoccupied with the battle for the soul of the judicial system to pay any attention to the utter destruction of a health care system that is the envy of the entire world. Well, I've got news for for you, Mister President, the Republican party if full of multi-taskers, and I'm perfectly capable of opposing both Doctor Benjamin and Justice..., uh... Justice... aw, jeez, he's got me so flustered I can't even remember her name."

"I will fight this sinister nomination until rigor mortis sets in," claims Sessions. "I'm dead serious. You think I don't know Regina Bacon's reputation? I know Regina Bacon's reputation. She had her clinic destroyed by Katrina, and I'll bet she's just itching for revenge. And she works with poor people who can't afford to pay her. What the hell does she care? If she gets in office, there won't be a doctors in America who gets a living wage, it's all part of the Socialist plan. And mark my words, only poor people will get health care. You'll go to the hospital with a heart attack and they'll tell you 'Sorry, but you've got your own good health insurance, why don't you just go out and find your own damn doctor'. But that doctor won't be there, because they'll all be laboring in forced medical labor camps giving poor people boob jobs and hair transplants. No siree, Bob, this will not stand."

Sessions is also well aware of the severe damage that the Surgeon General can do to the moral fiber of a nation, and vows to fight her nomination until it is deceased and beyond all hope of resuscitation.

"We've had a couple of outright disasters in the Surgeon General's office. Remember that squirrelly looking old guy, C Everett Koop, the one that sells those phony baloney Life Alert thingies on TV? That's the sonovabitch that made Ronald Reagan think about Aids. Poor Ronnie was never the same after that. And then there was that abomination that Bill Clinton appointed, Jocelyn Elders. Remember her? She wanted schools to teach young boys how to yank their wangdangdoodles. Holy Mother of God! Pardon my French, but I'm getting worked up. It's just a good thing I'm such an expert multitasker or I'd be too distracted to even focus on Justice Whatshername."

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