God responds

An angry God has responded to a column that Mark Sanford had published on Sunday in The Greenville News, calling the South Carolina governor "a pathetic namedropper". The comments are contained in a letter to the editor scheduled to run in tomorrow's paper. God chides Sanford's apology/confession for "invoking My name several times in a manner that seems to suggest that I am somehow responsible for your actions. Have you never heard of free will? Stop your sniveling before I give you something to really cry about." The Deity seemed particularly irked by a passage in which Sanford compared the past few weeks to attending his own funeral, and then claims to be thankful for the experience. "Attend your own funeral?" God asks in a devastating put-down. "Be careful what you wish for; you might be the only one to show up. You seem to enjoy being humiliated and becoming a universal object of scorn and ridicule. Well, Mister Pitiful, I'm prepared to offer you a world of heartache beyond your most feverish imaginings... Scratch that. You'd probably just enjoy it."