Monday, July 6, 2009


Former President Bush reacted angrily to a report appearing in the New York Times that matter-of-factly states that when the Bush presidential library opens in 2013, one of the artifacts to be displayed will be Saddam Hussein's enormous handgun. The supersized Glock 18C has long been one of Bush's prized possessions, ranking alongside a Cooperstown baseball bat signed by all the living Hall of Famers and a gold-plated slinky presented to him by Pope John Paul.

"It doesn't seem right to me that when you lose your job they should just be able to come in and take all your stuff," said Bush, standing protectively by the colossal pistol. "I can kinda understand the baseball bat, cause even though it's mine, baseball belongs to the American people. And the slinky, well I was kinda tired of playin with it anyway. But the gun is mine, as Michael Jackson would say, the doggone gun is mine."

Bush lawyers are prepared to seek an injunction, claiming that the humongous Glock is immune from a Federal statute which states that gifts to public officials valued at over $420 become the property of the government.

"In the first place, that's socialism plain and clear," says Bush, who claims he would have acted to overturn that restriction if he had known it applied to him. "And in the second place, it wasn't a dang gift. Saddam Hussein didn't want me to have that gun, I took it from him, figuratively speakin, in my role as commander of the armed forces. So I'm thinkin that maybe they can have that gun when they can pry it from my cold dead fingers. This is a second amendment issue, somehow or another. Just kiddin about the cold dead fingers part, though. It'd be crazy to like the second amendment that much."

"I've lost so much already," Bush says wistfully. "For example, my beautiful rug from the Oval Office, that's gone, even though Laura's the one who designed it. I've called Obama half a dozen times and he's just actin like it's his now. So I'm tellin you straight, they can't have my gun, even if it is for my own dang museum. And they better not try. Cause I've got a gun."


  1. I can't believe Dubya will give pride of place to Saddam's Glock 18C instead of his own Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun. You don't think incipient Alzheimer's has anything to do with it, do you, Mr. Hoback?

  2. Oh gosh, Mr Fearguth, I thought that eight years ago.