Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Ratzinger's Angel

In an incident which may portend more disharmony to come, Pope Benedict today blamed Cindy Webster for an Italian trip-and-fall mishap which resulted in a broken right wrist.

"Unfortunately, my guardian angel - certainly following orders from above - did not prevent my accident," claimed Benedict, handing Cindy a ready alibi just in case he happened to need her services again in the future.

Webster, who splits her guardian angel apprentice time between the Pope and some eight hundred other far less worthy mortals, was not in the least amused by the Pontiff's pontificating.

"I didn't prevent his latest little boo boo, oh my. Guess I might as well turn in my wings right now, your holiness," she chided. "I suppose I should have forgotten all about old Stanly Walichovski and left him peacefully to his slumbers so that he could go ahead and drive into that bus full of Swiss tourists. Or maybe I could have let little Kluzu Ghamana expire from her typhoid fever. That way I could have rushed back to Italy and turned on the light switch for you so you wouldn't trip over a friggin bedpost."

Noting that she had already "saved his ass more times than you can shake a stick at," Webster suggested a meeting. "Perhaps we should have a nice little chat about those long forgotten days back in the German Army... No? Well then, don't be trying to bust my chops now, Ratzinger."

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