Friday, September 4, 2009

Damned if you do, damned if you dont

As patriotic moms and dads across the nation make plans to keep their children home from school on Tuesday - or at least have them excused from participating in Barack Obama's seduction of the innocents via televised hypnosis - a deeper, more sinister plot has unveiled itself, one which places the concerned parent in the midst of a terrible new crisis which offers no possibility of easy resolution.

"I was planning on keepin the kids at home, even though I've been waitin weeks for them to get back to school," said Sarah Dillard, a single mom in Roanoke, Virginia. "I mean, what else was I going to do, let them get indoctrinated into that Socialist Youth Corp and have them hear how they should hate their mom and pray to Allah? What sort of parent would I be if I let my kids listen to that sort of garbage? But then yesterday, I was talkin to my friend Ruth Ann and she says 'What if they're keepin track of the kids that don't come to the propaganda rallies, huh? What if they're keepin a list of all the no-shows? They got your kid's name, so they got your name too. And your address. You're likely to be one of the very first people they round up and put in the FEMA camps. You just wait and see."

"Ruth Ann was right, of course," continued Dillard, "but what am I supposed to do? I reckon I don't have no choice but to send little Dexter and Dolly into the mouth of hell and just pray that it doesn't swallow em whole like that whale ate up Jonah. Of course, that whale spit Jonah out later because it just couldn't abide the taste of his righteousness. So I just gotta hope that my kids have been righteously enough flavored."

"The mainstream media would like to make you think this is a fringe idea," said Oklahoma state Sen. Steve Russell. "It's not. This is about creating a cult of personality. This is something you'd expect to see in North Korea or in Saddam Hussein's Iraq. Nobody's even had the time to think about the implications of being put on a watch list. Just look at the timing of Obama's indoctrination speech - right after the long holiday weekend, when Rush has been on vacation all week long. I wish to God that Rush would learn to Twitter. People aren't going to know what hit them."

Sarah Dillard faces Tuesday with great trepidation. "Kids'll be there in school. No note. I'm playing along with the president's game. Still, I don't reckon that gets me out of the woods. What if Dexter laughs at the TV? He's a real laugher, that boy. And worse yet, what if they shout and jeer, the way I've trained em to? I figure that I'd be in that FEMA camp before they ever got back home from school... Not that they'd be coming back. Oh lord..."

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