Thursday, September 3, 2009


"Hello, this is Adam Fogle, Palmetto Scoop. What can I do for you?... Oh? You wanted to talk to me? Go ahead... Uh huh... Sure I've heard of you, Mr Bauer, I'm a political reporter. You're the Lieutenant Governor... For me? Great. We call our site the Scoop but I can't say that we get many, so sure, I'll take any scoop you got."

"Uh huh... The Governor? Oh lord, our poor governor has been through hell lately. Deservedly so, but still... No, I hadn't heard that... Heard that you were gay... You're not? Huh. I didn't know that either... Yeah, one word, two letters, NO. Look son, I'm a newsman, you don't have to spell it out for me. And as a newsman I've got an opening question for you - If you're not gay, then why the hell are you calling up the Palmetto Scoop and saying that you are? I don't know what sort of a news organization you think we're running over here, but... What?... You're not the one spreading rumors?... Governor Sanford is spreading the rumors? Are you sure? Cause if that were true, it would be a real scoop."

"Sanford is trying to ruin you?... How is he trying to ruin you?... Oh, yeah, the rumor thing... But exactly why is that going to ruin you? I mean, South Carolina doesn't execute people just for being gay... Oh sure, yes, the political angle, I guess it would ruin you as far as holding another political office in these parts. Course you could always move up north... Okay, Mr Bauer, I got it, he's trying to ruin you... Well doggone it, kid, who the hell can blame him? You're trying to take his job away from him, and Mr Sanford kinda likes being the governor. Can't say that I blame him for that..."

"Right... right... No, I agree with you 100%, Mr Bauer, Mark Sanford is a sanctimonious, opportunist blowhard that should be run out of town on a rail, can't argue with that at all. It's just that these are pretty serious allegations here in South Carolina... Yeah, I got you... Me? Well, I suppose that if Sanford called me gay, I'd be tempted to punch him right in the nose. I'm not a violent man, but... Uh huh... He did what?... Started a rumor against Senator Knotts also? Why, that guy is as big as a bull moose... Our governor's gone wild! Boy, when will people learn that you just can't believe everything that pops out of a governor's mouth? Although I'm sure that you'll do better, Mr Bauer... Well, thanks a lot, kid, I'm thinking that you've given me a real scoop."

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