Friday, September 25, 2009

Extremism in Pakistan soon to be a thing of the past

In a bipartisan vote, the Senate has approved a tripling of 'nonmilitary' civilian aid to Pakistan over the next five years as part of a plan to combat extremism. At 1.5 billion a year, the aid equals out to $8.33 per citizen, or an even ten bucks if you subtract out all of the Pakistanis who are too young to understand the value of a dollar.

"When you convert that into Pakistani rupees, it's even more impressive than that," said Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown. "A cool one hundred and twenty-five billion - that's a shitload of rupees. To be honest, I don't know how many rupees the extremists have, but it just couldn't be a hundred twenty-five billion, that would truly boggle the mind. Mine, at least."

"Senator Brown's words are true," said extremist Pakistani spokesman Najibullah Shabul. "We couldn't put more than fifty billion rupees together if our lives were to depend on it. Fortunately, that is not the case, as we have our fighting fists of Allah and our stomping feet of fear. As well as a goodly number of small arms."

"You know, we kinda figured they'd bring up those stomping feet of fear," chuckled Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss, "and I think we've got the perfect thing to combat those frightening footsies. Socks, million of surplus US Army socks. We're going to convert those dollars into rolls of nickels and send each Pakistani a sock filled with five rolls. I think these democracy loving people will know exactly what to do."

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