Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Iran Talks

What? What? Did our little rockets scare you? Are you saying that we cannot even test a few missiles without everybody speaking of us as though we were unwary schoolchildren? And I speak not of the good kids, either. My words refer to the rascals, those adorable scamps who are always getting into something or another. The rascals are as rascals will be and generations of Westerners have all been amused by their antics. Yet you look at us as though we were inflicted with a sudden fit of flatulence. Please, give us a break.

Diplomatically, your discovery of our new nuclear enrichment facility - well, new to you - is equivalent to having your blessed mother finding a 'Playboy' under your mattress. Embarrassing, true, but there also come a flush of defiance. One feels like yelling 'Oh, please mother, leave my stuff alone'. Or something stronger, such as 'I never asked to be born'. Because it is your property. And it is a rite of passage.

Quit snickering, Westerners. If you paid close attention to my words, it will soon dawn on you that in my metaphor about the 'Playboy', the part of the nosey mother was played by you. I, of course, am the young scalawag who is always up to neck in nonsense. And the part of my bratty kid sister is played by Israel, but she is not in this story, nor a part of this discussion.

No, I haven't been throwing rocks at my sister again. Merciful heavens, she is forever making stuff up. I did not even throw anything in her direction. I was just testing out my new slingshot, the one I have wanted forever, and perhaps I shot something off in her direction. That Prophet IV has really got some range on it... Israel could be all the way up on the next block and boinnngggg - a rock up side the head. I am just saying that I theoretically could fire a rock that distance, not that I would. Because I would never hit my little sister, unless she were to strike me first.

What was that? You are giving me one more chance to sit down and talk straight, and if you do not like what I to say, it is your intention to send me to bed without supper? You cannot do that, I am not a child. I will sneak out and I will get something to eat and I will make you very very sorry. I will blow myself up, I just do not care anymore. Some days I wish that I would die.

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