Thursday, October 1, 2009

Butch Bowers speaks

Lovelorn Governor Mark Sanford is asking the South Carolina Supreme Court to bar the State Ethics Commission from sharing any information about their investigation into his shenanigans with the State Legislators who might want to impeach him.

"Hey, hey, it's a clear violation of the separation of powers as established by the second Bush Administration, and clearly acknowledged by Congress" says senior Sanford attorney Butch Bowers. "As everyone knows, the Ethics Commission reports to the Executive Branch, not the Legislative Branch. After they've given a full report to Governor Sanford on just what exactly it is he's done, then he may, at his discretion, relay that information to the House. It is within his purview to tell them each and every sorry sordid little detail, every cringe-inducing indiscretion, every boneheaded and blatantly hypocritical abuse of his office. He can tell them all these things if he so wishes."

Butch Bowers reflects upon these possibilities, grimacing as he scratches his balls. "As Sanford's lawyer, I don't think he should tell the House these things, and I will advise him against doing so. I will remind him that many if not most of these lawmakers wish to see him removed from office, and as he has refused to resign, they are more than willing to impeach him, if only they had a little more evidence of his malfeasance. I will explain once again to the Governor that what he may see as a 'cute little story' that he might wish to tell his colleagues in the State House may in fact be twisted and turned against him."

Butch Bowers burps fatalistically, after pausing to swallow a doughnut. "You want to know, will Sanford end up spilling all the beans? I don't know. He's not the most stable of Governors. But I will remind him that he's only fourteen months away from his pension, and if he still won't listen, I will tell him 'I'm Butch Bowers, bitch. I want all the rest of my fees in advance'."

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