Hello, Reddy!

Hello, boys and girls, it's your old pal Reddy Kilowatt! What? Your mommy and daddy told you never to talk to strangers? Well, I guess I do look a little strange... Sigh... Hello, mom and dad, it's your old pal Reddy Kilowatt! Sure, I look vaguely familiar, that's because we used to be buddies! Well, I suppose it has been a long time since you saw me, but we used to have some good times together. Remember the time I sneaked out of that old lamp and gave you such a shock that you were flung across the room? Oh, right, your mommy and daddy did tell you to avoid me, but I'm a lot smarter now and I... Oh... Sigh... Hello, grandma and grandpa, it's your old pal Reddy Kilowatt! You're glad to see me? Oh, that's great! It's been such a long time... You hardly even think about me? I guess that's because I'm always around! It's just that I'm rarely anthropomorphized these days. But remember back when you were kids and I made your parent's home all bright and shiny? I'll bet you remember your first TV set and how I made it run. Well, I love you too! Speaking of homes, I just wanted to stop by and tell you that the president is building me a new place of my own! It's called the smart grid, and it'll be the best home ever! It's going to take a long time to build but when it's all done, I won't experience any more of those terrible blackouts I've been suffering from. And I'll be a whole lot cheaper, too! Oh, right, sure that's right, it all depends on my corporate masters, but in theory I should be a whole lot cheaper... Whatever... The new house? It's not really that pricey, all things considered. The president is putting up three and a half billion as a down payment... I'm not sure, you know, these things are hard to predict, what with the cost over-runs and all... No, a little more than that... I don't think it's going to be much more than 100 billion, which is a bargain compared to a war or a tax break or something. And besides, it'll pay for itself once the savings start rolling in. Right, depending on my corporate masters... Well, what am I supposed to do? The old place is in shambles, the roof is shot, and the wiring is obsolete... Oh yeah, well maybe you'd like to get along without me - let's just see you try to run your TV on clean coal. Sorry I yelled at you, but you know, sometimes you've got to spend a little money just to keep the place from falling down around your head... Huh. Well, screw you too. And the the joke is on you, by the way. The door can't hit me on the ass on my way out - after all, I'm just an anthropomorphism...

Goodbye, Reddy!