stop playing games

House minority leader John Boehner appeared on the steps of the Capitol this morning accompanied by his trusty sidekick Eric the Wonder Whip, angrily warning President Obama to "quit playing games with American troops". The statement came shortly after news broke that Joint Chiefs of Staff Chair Mike Mullen had spent part of October conducting war games in order to evaluate two of the primary military options proposed by chief Afghanistan commander Stanley McChrystal. "He's dithering," sneered Eric the Wonder Whip, "Dithering and playing games." General McChrystal had put forth three possible troop level options in his no-longer-secret report. There was the 'high risk option', which would add 10,000 troops, primarily as trainers; the 'just right option', which adds 44,000 troops in order to conduct a relatively full-scale counterinsurgency; and the 'impossible option', which would add 80,000 troops - more than are currently available. McChrystal reportedly favors the 'just right option'. Only the first two options were evaluated in the October games. "My god, it just boggles the mind," said the misty-eyed Boehner. "It almost brings me to tears when I think that this president would rather play games than make the tough decisions that a true Commander in Chief needs to make. It's time to put aside childish things and just give the general whatever he thinks we need in order to give us the same sort of great victory that President Bush gave us in Iraq." "Yer darn tootin'," said the Wonder Whip, anger flushing over his fevered brow. "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling around. No time for dancing or lovey dovey..." "What my loyal sidekick is trying to say is that the time for dithering has long since passed," interrupted Boehner. "I believe General McChrystal pretty much telegraphed what he wanted when he labeled it the 'just right option'."