Friday, October 30, 2009

Levi drops the big one

Ridiculous hockey jock Levi Johnston made good today on his threat to reveal things about Sarah Palin that would 'really hurt her'. Appearing on the CBS Early Show, he told stunned co-host Maggie Rodriguez that "everything I've said about her - except for this - has been a lie. Sarah Palin has been paying me $1200 a month to badmouth her. She thought that by me slamming her, she would seem like a more sympathetic character. And it seems to have worked. Up until now, that is."

Palin wasted no time in retaliating, with a new entry on her Facebook page appearing less than two hours after the Early Show ended.

"In politics and in matters of the heart, betrayal is not an unfamiliar companion," Palin posted in her latest update. "But sometimes betrayal goes beyond the realm of common treachery and crosses over into something much bigger. I looked it up in the saurus and came up with the following - deception, dishonesty, double-crossing and duplicity. And that's just the Ds. All of those are pretty good words, and I've used them all in the past to describe Levi Johnston. Except for duplicity. I don't know, that kind of sounds like a super power to me. Then there's sellout, which I used early on when I was still trying to be nice. Then there are your T words like trickery, treachery and treason, but I try and save those for Obama. Perfidy is one I've never heard of before. It sounds like pretty brutal word, but I'm not sure how to pronounce it. Not that it matters on Facebook, but you know, once you put it in writing it might come back to haunt you, you know, like a reporter asks 'What's this with you accusing Levi Johnston of perfidy?' and I go 'What?' and the next thing you know Tina Fey is trying to make me look dumb again or something. I read in Harper's Bazaar that she's going to do me again, so I'm not about to give her any free material. I'll bet Levi would just looove Tina Fey. I hope they get together, cause I hear she's a real B word, and I know he is."

"Speaking of B words, betrayal seems to be the best word in English for betrayal, which makes me wish I knew some foreign languages, because it's just not a good enough word. I asked Todd what the Eskimo word for betrayal is (he speaks fluent Inuit) and he wrote it down for me - tammarsaiyok. Now that's a good word with a lot of heft to it. It literally translates to 'a person who leaves a rival alone to die in a snow bank'."

"I had a business deal with Levi, and as soon as I fulfilled my part by getting him that photo shoot with Playgirl, he forgets all about it. And after I post this, nobody will ever want to do business with him again. And one more thing, Levi, since I know you're reading this. You don't really believe that women read Playgirl, do you? You pathetic tammarsaiyoker."

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